kitschen feast

the nightmare before kitschmas

2011-12-22T07:25:00.004-06:00

I'm embarrassed to say that after living in KC for over 14 years, this is the first time I've laid eyes on the most disturbing display of kitsch in the metro - it's been lurking in our fair city for decades. And I love it.

Like any life-changing event, there are no words for the Falmouth House -

He knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you're awake.

He knows how to frighten you into believing...

Gingerbread is a hoot!

2011-12-15T09:11:00.000-06:00

So the Ninjabread Men cooky cutters were sold out - again. No worries. It gave me an excuse to feather our cooky jar with gingerbread owls this year!

It's the most won-der-ful time of the year...

2011-12-11T15:23:00.001-06:00

Time to dust the flour off of this -

& mix up the dough for these -

What's on your cooky sheet this weekend?

WTF?!? Friday: Just Smurfy

2011-12-09T07:41:00.001-06:00

WTF popped over the side of the muffin cup this morning?! I don't know, but judging by the slabs of butter, this 'shroom cap is going to need a little something on the side to pull it down your gullet.

Happy Friday.

Tipsy Tuesday: Serve Wine as a Beverage!

2011-12-06T08:20:00.001-06:00

The good book [The Good Housekeeping Cookbook (c)'63] really has some stellar ideas when it comes to wining and dining. Did you know that -

- Wine adds a decided zest to cooking?
- Wine adds the master touch, the "French atmosphere" to many desserts, especially cut-up fruit?
- Soups such as oxtail, lentil, etc. taste better if dry or medium sherry is added?
- Wine is as easy to serve correctly as tea or coffee?
- It's perfectly correct to serve any wine any time you wish? [to which I absolutely concur!]

Can you imagine the test kitchen getting tipsy deciding which vino is worthy of the coveted Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval? Undoubtly, slim cigarettes were being smoked in tandem, and some Esquivel was spinning on the record player.

Here, have a listen - and a cocktail - I insist!

In lieu of a recipe, I offer up GH's parings for your "more formal" holiday feasts - so you can swill in style:

With oysters: Chablis or champagne
With soup: pale sherry or dry Maderia
With fish: champagne or dry white table wines
With entrees: claret
With roast or game: Burgundy
With sweets: champagne or sweet sauterne
With cheese: port, sweet sherry or Maderia

Or, if you're more like me, you're more likely to uncork some three-buck chuck. Cheers!

Holiday Housekeeping

2011-12-04T14:13:00.001-06:00

Ready to wow a crowd? Provide nibblers and dippers for fabulous friends and corrupt coworkers? Find out what the elusive - and savvy - Susan would construct in her kitchen on such occasions?

Me, too. That's why I picked up a copy of the Good Housekeeping Cookbook {c}'63 for a dollar on my antique/flea pilgrimage [hey, it was just Thanksgiving] on 'First Friday' this weekend in Kansas City.

I'll be back as soon as I page through - promise.

Go forth. And Gobble.

2011-11-23T08:01:00.001-06:00

That's an order from Pilgrim John.

Shepherd's Pie. In Technicolor.

2011-11-13T18:40:00.001-06:00

Nothing holds color like frozen mixed vegetables. And nothing brings out their Technicolor dream of bold orange, yellow and green like a generous helping of ketchup.

And - as I learned the hard way - nothing brings Ben and Margie's gag reflexes forward like the trashy American-style "traditional" shepherd's pie.

I believe the entire Roy G Biv spectrum is represented in this casserole. Don't you agree?

Next time, I'll opt for herding the family to McDonald's.

WTF?!? Friday: Loafing

2011-11-11T07:01:00.001-06:00

Wow.

What's sandwiched between these albino slices of, um, bread? And what is serving as the fluffy insulation? The purity of this luncheon loaf is questionable - without question. I wouldn't pull this out at the bridge party until the ladies had polished off a pitcher of Long Island iced tea.

Tipsy Tuesday: Ouch!

2011-11-08T21:03:00.003-06:00

This swell swill is the bee's knees!

"Come on, Danny. Grab the brandy and get jiggy with that outta-sight shaker!"

Stinger
Combine in a cocktail shaker:
1 cup shaved ice
1 jigger brandy
1 jigger white creme de menthe

Shake. Strain. Pour, honey! Drink until there's some swizzle in your stick.

WTF?!? Friday: Sweeney Todd-Style

2011-11-04T08:16:00.002-05:00

Wow. WTF?! is nestled inside this leafy lettuce cup?! It's like Mrs. Lovett's mystery meat --- salad. Thanks for this one, Benjamin Barker. It's definitely the demon salad of WTF Friday.

A Wholesome Halloween

2011-10-31T09:02:00.006-05:00

Once upon a time, the freaks didn't come out at night. They didn't come out at all. Knee socks, loafers and a smartly carved jack-o-lantern did the trick when it came to treating. Boo to that.

Now head out there and put some happy - or haggard - into someone's Halloween!

Molday Monday Night

2011-10-24T20:25:00.001-05:00

In the spirit of All Hallow's Eve, I couldn't resist these gag-inducing individual servings of horror. What's in the genetic make up of these Knox-congealed salads? And what in the hell is the grody garnish? Looks like a dessert only the Crypt Keeper would love...

Freak Show

2011-10-23T20:55:00.004-05:00

I'm a freak magnent. Every so [more] often [than not] I find an 'Odd Todd' in my path, wanting to make friends.

Over the past several weeks, I've had a bit of a sideshow when it comes to side items. There is no Mother Teresa in a tortilla, but have a look-see:

[peace, love - and onion rings from ihop]

[bowlegged - or siamese - carrots. straight from the celophane]

What odd edibles have you seen - or tasted?!

Moldy Monday Night

2011-10-17T20:56:00.005-05:00

This mold? Looks like it just came up - not like it's about to be sliced, served and headed down the hatch. What makes this bold mold blush?!

Sugar & Spice & Homer Price

2011-10-16T20:03:00.003-05:00

This is one of my favorite books:

This is one of my favorite fall comfort foods [served warm & wrapped at our favorite pumpkin patch]:

I wish I had a donut machine that would produce pumpkin donuts like these in Homer Price time. Since I don[u]'t, here's the recipe that helps make treats like these a reality in my family. Sucks to be you, Krispy Kreme!

Pumpkin Donuts
2 eggs
1 cup sugar
1 cup canned pumpkin
½ cup buttermilk
4 cups flour
2 tablespoons oil
2 teaspoons salt
4 teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon nutmeg
½ teaspoon cinnamon
¼ teaspoon ground ginger
Sugar for coating

Beat eggs and sugar until they are light and fluffy. Add the oil, pumpkin and buttermilk to the egg & sugar mixture. Mix dry ingredients together and add to the main mixture.
Chill for 1 hour. Turn out onto a floured board and roll to ½ inch thickness.
Cut shapes with a donut cutter. Deep fry until golden brown on one side.
Turn over [that's what she said]. Fry until the other side is also golden brown. Strain well and roll in sugar to serve.

Moldy Monday.

2011-10-03T06:42:00.001-05:00

I think the term, "we go together like peas & carrots" is charming. But peas, carrots, corn, Knox and green onion?! Notsomuch.

WTF?! Friday

2011-09-30T09:00:00.002-05:00

WTF?! is this one-skillet sludge? And who threw together the layers lingering in this limp, lifeless dish? I think I'm going to throw...up.

Tipsy Tuesday: swill your breakfast

2011-09-27T08:42:00.002-05:00

This Tipsy Tuesday I've got a stomach turner, on the rocks. How about a...

Coffee Cocktail
In a cocktail shaker, pour over ice:
The yolk of 1 egg
1 dash coffee liqueur
1 jigger port wine
1 jigger brandy
1 barspoon sugar
& a dash of grated nutmeg over drink [at this point, why not?]

Shake, strain and serve in a 4 oz. cocktail glass - and I'd considering serving with toast points as chasers, to settle your stomach.

Moldy Monday

2011-09-26T06:45:00.001-05:00

What has unnaturally congealed in this infinite ring of salad?

And how blech can it be if peas are the piece de resistance?

Pretty sure I could resist it.

Rah Rah

2011-09-25T12:17:00.002-05:00

I am about as crafty at the card table as I am in the kitchen. Which puts me somewhere in the middle as a wanna-be with room for improvement. When my friend Amy encouraged her blog friends to consider crafting on nellielovesvintage, I decided to oblige. This crispy-cool Sunday morning, Marge & I wrapped, snipped & tied bright yarn pom-poms until our cup runneth over.

Check your expiration dates, tomorrow I'm back with something mold-y.

WTF?!? Friday

2011-09-23T05:51:00.003-05:00

WTF is mingling in this stock pot? Never mind the basket, this dish looks like it's no picnic to me.

Phallic Food is the Wurst

2011-09-22T10:01:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, I was tugging at your heartstrings.
Today, it's your gag reflex.

I snatched up Better Homes & Garden's Jiffy Cooking at a flea market yesterday for a quarter. [I got a handful of vintage m&ms out of the quarter machine, too]. And a few of the images in this '67 cook book are priceless. It's like Freud did the food styling.

So, make sure the kids aren't peering over your shoulder, and have a look-see for yourself -

Spare me the asparagus tonight, honey. I've got a headache.

Meet Jack.

2011-09-21T12:58:00.003-05:00

Heirlooms are one thing. Halloween Heirlooms are something else altogether. And when a friend shares something fabulous - and a little bit freaky - with you, it gives you a warm glow. Not unlike a jack-o'-lantern.

This paper mache pumpkin perfection was thoughtfully passed along to me from a dear friend. It belonged to the brother of her dear grandmother. It doesn't matter that it is vintage [fantastically vintage - Halloween is my favorite holiday]. It matters that it was important to someone. And I know who that someone was.

Do your holiday decorations have a story?

Moldy Monday

2011-09-19T11:34:00.001-05:00

What in the hell is lounging inside this gelatinous loaf?

Just guess.

Fuzzy Navel

2011-09-18T10:45:00.002-05:00

You'll find no lint in peaches' belly buttons. All the more reason to bake with them.

So I grabbed a few of their fuzzy navels and proceeded to consult the Women's Club Leaders in Kansas, Nebraska, North Dakota & South Dakota's 1966 Favorite Recipies of the Great Plains Desserts Edition cook book for answers on my whats and hows on these fleshy fall fruits [wow - that almost sounds dirty]. And the ladies led me plainly, and simply, to the recipe for Mrs. Ferne Combs...

PEACH DESSERT
2 c sugar
Butter
1 egg
1/2 c milk
2 c plus 2 tbsp flour
4 tsp baking powder
Fresh sliced peaches [I used 3 biggies & shaved 'em]

Cream 1/2 cup sugar, 1 tablespoon butter and egg. Sift 2 cups flour with baking powder; add milk and stir into creamed mixture. Pat onto bottom and sides of greased deep baking dish [preferably pyrex, people]. Sprinkle one cup sugar and remaining flour over bottom. Arrange peaches over sugar mixture; sprinkle with remaining sugar and dot with butter. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 to 40 minutes to achieve this:

[Thanks, sweet OLD Mrs. Combs, but why didn't you remind me to use the baking powder in the instructions? Had I put 2 + 2 together on a Saturday evening, I would have remembered. No such luck this weekend...that said: add the 4 tsp of baking powder to the sifted flour to avoid baking a brick!]

This dessert was peachy. Keen. But when it comes to full flavor, falls somewhere in-between meh and marvelous! I'm not one to point fingers [Mrs. Combs] but the baking powder would have improved the texture. Until them, I'll use the modern marvel of the microwave to soften my servings.

Macabre Kitsch.

2011-09-17T21:37:00.001-05:00

Every housewife's fantasy.

Every working man's nightmare.

[designed with me in mind]

My friend Dally, midwest resident artist of zombie kitsch, is a little bit Vincent Price & a little bit Vincent Van Gogh. And he sells the demons in his head on cotton t's and onesies. Find his
Art from the Basement on facebook. You'll want to score a quirky serving of his gore.

Summer. Where did yours go?

2011-09-16T12:26:00.001-05:00

Mine was spent with my little league infielder.

And my big league chewer.

What have you been up to?

About Face

2011-07-14T06:51:00.008-05:00

I hope you haven't been looking down your nose at me during my kitsch hiatus. Especially if you have a honker like these guys Marge & I picked up at the farmer's market last night.

Know how some say, "you're so cute! I could eat your face!"

We did. [the eggplant's - not Marge's]

Cinco

2011-05-05T16:33:00.005-05:00

That's about how many beers would go perfectly with these*:& these:

Hope you snuck in a siesta so tonight you may fiesta!

*Cinnamon Crispos
1 pkg carb-heavy tortillas
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup cinnamon
1-2 cups veggie oil

Cut tortillas into wedges. Fry in hot oil [med-high heat] for mere seconds. Drain on paper towel. Fill paper bag with sugar & cinnamon mix; add chips. Shake like a cocktail. Nosh. Chase with ice cold brews!

Kitschen 101

2011-05-01T15:45:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was Sparks.
My bi-annual flea market bliss.

After spending 5 beautiful spring hours strolling through "venders" [hey, it's Kansas], we were spent. But not before I spent $5 on this fantastic SRA [remember the reading program, friends?] card choc full of kitsch.

[toes shown to illustrate scale, and a decent pedicure]

I wish I could come home with the whole stack. But this...this will absolutely do.

From Richard, with love

2011-04-27T12:29:00.012-05:00

I have been a fan of the iconic Richard Simmons from his groundbreaking Deal-a-Meal infomercial days, through his antics on Letterman's Late Shows, and every cameo in between. Lucky me! Last fall, I got to give him a hug.

[this is not the most flattering shot of either of us, I assume]

Fast forward to our family field trip this weekend, where I happened on The #1 National Bestseller Never-Say-Diet Book for just over a buck. I had to indulge myself.

So, what lies beyond the cover?
Here, let me show you. Richard won't mind. Because his life is an open book.

There are exercises, like this:

[Vowel Stretchers, for your trouble neck and mouth spots, sore from all the chewing]

And this:

[Tootsie Rolls; drop and give Richard 150, from cheek-to-cheek]

And so many more fantastic, tights-and-t-shirt toning and flexing moves that I wish I had time to post them all.

In addition to sage advice [honestly, his straight-shooting circa 1980 is ridiculously relevant still today], Richard offers up recipes that rival those found in any fitness mag:

Yogurt Garlic Dressing
1 cup low-fat plain yogurt
1 teaspoon fresh lime juice
1 minced clove garlic
2 tablespoons parsley, chopped
1 tablespoon chives, chopped
1/2 teaspoon ground pepper
Put all ingredients in a bowl and blend well with a whisk.

Hey, it's how a fella keeps his gams gorgeous from retro to right now!

[Yes, those are Richard's man-t-hose!]

And remember, per Richard, you have all of the ingredients for your own Success Recipe:

Self Love
A Positive Attitude
and Determination

Hey, it's cheesy - but this cheese is low-fat.
Thanks, Richard - love ya from your 'fro to your big toe!

Pipe Dreams

2011-04-24T17:19:00.003-05:00

A sky full of sunshine.
And basket full of bubbles.Happy Easter.

My Peeps

2011-04-21T12:21:00.000-05:00

Kitsch is timeless.
Just like Peeps.

Hatched in the early 50s, like all things retro, the chicks - and their peeps, the bunnies - are as cavity-inducing and sugar high as they ever were. And today, Marge is having her Pre-K peeps over for an egg hunt. Old-school plastic eggs with mysteries in the middle are about to be hidden - and seeked, and after a few good games of chase, chased down with a Peeps cupcake.

Happy Easter. May all your marshmallows be sugar-coated!

WTF?!? Friday: Retrospace-Style

2011-03-25T12:32:00.001-05:00

This Friday, I encourage you to launch yourself into RETROSPACE...

This trip is gonna make your head spin.

Outdoor Cooking: Wish You Were Here

2011-03-24T10:15:00.005-05:00

Spring is trying really, really hard to, well, spring, here in the Midwest. So I found last weekend a befitting time to page through my latest & greatest Betty Crocker Outdoor Cook Book.And one thing became eerily clear. When preparing the feast, consider the setting. And consider where the guests will be sitting. Because, it seems, when dining on the edge [and inviting Tom Collins], only one thing is certain: leftovers.

I hope you enjoy this "wish you were here" gallery of eats as much as I do.

Gettin' Jiggy with Betty

2011-03-16T19:26:00.004-05:00

Betty Crocker's Party Book (c)'60 is your go-to for the green this St. Pat's Day. Of course, their illustrator had other, livelier, lilac shades of shamrocks on the brain. Retro rebel that he was.
Nevermind the blatant lack of green, Betty has quite the laundry list of jig-inducing ideas, especially for St. Patrick's Day. She suggests her loyal readers spark their meals with Irish green.

How, you ask? Here are her erin go bright ideas:

Green pineapple rings for salads or broiled with meat.
Greens in abundance, especially parsley and watercress.
Guacamole dip for chips or as a spread for bread.
Green ices and ice creams - such as pistachio, lime and mint.
Green frostings for cakes and cookies; green cream cheese frosting for a sandwich loaf. For delicate tints, add food coloring with a light hand.
Shamrock shapes for cookies, biscuits, etc. are easy with a "club" cutter. [think bridge, ladies & gents]
Green shamrock candies [where in the hell would you find these?] to garnish individual fruit cocktails, butter, frosting, or cookies.

...and there's always green beer, because I'm that kind of girl. I wonder if Betty was.

Balls in the air

2011-03-09T14:06:00.003-06:00

As a, okay, I'm going to say it, housewife, I have a lot of balls to juggle. And that's not just a dirty joke. Who else is feeling this way today - or everyday?

...and how about that un-natural page break with a little extra elbow?

Tipsy Tuesday: Bombs Away!

2011-03-08T16:58:00.005-06:00

Nothing says, 'Americans love war!" like this goody:
And nothing says, 'Americans love to get bombed!" like this martini:

Bomb Pop Martini
1 oz Bacardi Razz
1 oz Cherry Vodka
1 oz Limeaid
Blue Sugar Crystals
Grenadine
Maraschino Cherry [for garnish, ladies & gents]

Dip the rim of your glass in limeaid, then sugar. Chill [the glass, not you]. Fill cocktail shaker 1/2 full with ice. Add razz rum, vodka & limeaid. Shake. Strain. Garnish. Shoot the breeze.

While the ingredients may be a bit mod, nothing says suburbia circa yesteryear like swilling a martini!

And, hey, here's one for the kids: http://www.bombpop.com/ - more fun than the ice cream truck, with none of the perv pedophile heebie-jeebies!

Half [& Half] Baked

2011-03-06T14:33:00.005-06:00

Spring is so close I can taste it.

I needed a lunchbox cookie for the week for Ben - and with only old school ingredients on hand, you can bet that Better Homes & Gardens (c) circa '65 had my back.

[11 out of 12 of these baked goodys would frighten a child -
which funky cooky would you chase with a glass of milk?]

Oatmeal Cookies
1 cup shortening
1 1/2 cups brown sugar
2 eggs
1/2 cup buttermilk*
1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon nutmeg
3 cups rolled oats
1/2 cups chopped California walnuts [or dollar store m&ms]
1/2 cup raisins

Cream together shortening, brown sugar and eggs till light and fluffy. Stir in buttermilk [confession: I didn't have any on hand, hell, who does? - so I subbed-in half & half - it worked just dandy]. Sift together dry ingredients; stir into creamed mixture. Stir in rolled oats, nuts, and raisins. Drop from tablespoon 2 inches apart on greased cooky sheet. Bake in hot oven [400 degrees] about 8 minutes. Cool slightly; remove from pan. Makes about 5 dozen [that's 3 dozen in 21st century cooky counts].

The half & half was heavenly. Wow. Don't tell anyone, but this is my new secret ingredient. I will sub it for milk in every damn thing I bake from now on. And the nutmeg was a pretty swell addition, too. Who woulda thunk it?

Ain't winter a hoot?

2011-02-24T13:34:00.002-06:00

Not really. Because just yesterday, it was spring! So what's a girl and her little girl to do when the weather turns on a dime? Bake. Cupcakes. That kind-of, sort-of, look like owls.
And you know I like owls. I think they're a hoot! [somebody stop me -- see what cabin fever does to your sense of humor?]

Tipsy Tuesday: Moldy Margaritas!

2011-02-21T16:37:00.002-06:00

Here's a retro-meets-metro cocktail that'll make your insides wiggle:Molded Margaritas

2 pkgs [3oz] lime gelatin
2 cups boiling water
1/2 c thawed margarita mix
1/2 c [or more, to, um, taste] tequlia

In a small bowl, dissolve gelatin in boiling water. Stir in margarita mix & tequlia. Pour into four margarita glasses. Refrigerate for 4 hours until set [better mix 'em up in the morning, unless you prefer the curdled jell-o shot texture].

O'-friggin-le!

Tipsy Tuesday : Oui! Oui!

2011-02-15T13:36:00.003-06:00

Here's a swanky cocktail that'll put some ooh in your la la!
French 75

Ice
1 1/2oz cognac
1/2oz simple syrup
1/2oz fresh lemon juice
Sparkling wine

Fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Add the cognac, simple syrup and lemon juice. Light a cigarette. French inhale [c'mon, you've seen Grease, right?]. Shake well. Strain into a hip martini glass, top with sparkling wine. Lean in for a French kiss...or giggle 'til you oui oui.

Happy Valentine's Day [& a retro ultimatum]

2011-02-14T08:00:00.002-06:00

I hope your day is going better than this -May your sweet day be sealed with a sloppy kiss!

Spring Tease

2011-02-13T08:19:00.005-06:00

It's going to be warm enough for this soon, as soon as this week:
So braid your hair and bring on the beans & franks & hamburger rolls! And your favorite pair of high-waisted slacks.

Speaking of slacks, by the look on little Suzy's face, I'm wondering if dad's fly is down...squint & see for yourself.

WTF?!? Friday Night Fright

2011-02-11T19:35:00.003-06:00

We're having a few of our nearest & dearest over tomorrow night for a 2nd annual Valentine's Love-In. Instead of going out on an expensive, baby-sitter necessary, 2-hour-wait-for-a-table date, we pin on our Paul & Julia Child-inspired heart-shaped paper corsages and enjoy a potluck of things we love.

I tried to get a head start tonight on the cherry pie I had planned for. First I tackled the crust [2-layer, per Better Homes & Gardens (c)'67] and fumbled when it fell apart, offering one helluva rustic look. A crumb topping is in my immediate future.

But it was when I cut & placed the [coined by my Gramie] "stragglebritches" on the parchment and asked Ben & Margie to dust them with sugar & cinnamon [that's coat in their book] that all went horribly wrong. Burnt globs of the sweet & cinnamon-y-ness made for one undesirable mound of wasted pastry:These straggleBITCHES are gonna make me cry.

If you give a hostess a can of salmon...

2011-02-09T12:57:00.009-06:00

...whatever will she make?You know when you give her a can of salmon, she's probably going to ask for an envelope of Knox gelatine. And if you give her an envelope of Knox gelatine, she's probably going to ask for some hard boiled eggs. And make this:
Or this:
Perhaps this:Heavens no, not this:Or this show-stopper:
Or you could just tell the bitch you don't have any canned salmon.

Tipsy Tuesday! Crispy

2011-02-01T11:11:00.003-06:00

The sky is falling in the midwest. It's pretty. And it's not. The snow days are piling up faster than the fluffy white precip. So I've decided to divide my time between doting on my adoring children [okay, who am I kidding?], paging through magazines - and keeping the oven in a perpetual state of 350 degrees.

I'm not going to insult your intelligence and scribble down an apple crisp recipe. Even if it's a charmer from the Betty Crocker Boys & Girls Cook Book (c)'62. And even if it turned out like this:

Instead, I'm going to warm your innards with a zippy cocktail. Because when you're one-half of a snow day down, with more to go, it's gotta be your go-to.

Apple Toddy
1 1/2oz apple brandy
hot apple cider

Pour apple brandy in a coffee mug. Next, pour in heated apple cider to fill the mug. Garnish with a cinnamon stick.

Okay, maybe I didn't need to jot down this short & sweet recipe either. But I did.

Have fun hunkering down for the day[s]!

WTF?!? Friday: Hungover

2011-01-29T08:11:00.002-06:00

I'm not saying this casserole can do the work of the 'hair of the dog' -- I'm just saying I'm a little slow on the Friday post. That said, WTF?!? cocktail would you pair with this mystery casserole?

Flipping Out

2011-01-27T19:28:00.003-06:00

Are my kids the only ones that flip out every night at dinner if I haven't decided to do dessert? Before the first forkful of whatever fabulous food group fusion hits their mouth, they move their lips to ask, "What's for dessert, mom? Huh?" Oh, it is indeed charming.

So much to my chagrin, my time crunch, and my barren pantry, the big cheese of the Sunday paper - Parade Magazine - had my back this weekend. And so my family had this:

Pear Flip-Flop
4 1/2 Tbsp unsalted butter
3/4 cup all-purpose flour [I used whole wheat - to go all Jessica Seinfeld on 'em - shhh...]
3/4 cup sugar
1 1/2 teasp baking powder
Pinch of salt
3/4 cup milk
1 1/4 teasp vanilla
1 1/2 cups sliced or diced pears
Powdered sugar, for dusting [crap - I totally spaced on that]

Cut the butter into chunks and toss into 9-inch deep-dish pie plate. Place in a 350 degree oven for 5-8 minutes, or until butter is melted. Meanwhile, whisk together dry ingredients in a mixing bowl. Add milk and vanilla and whisk until smooth.

Pour batter over the hot butter, top with the pears. Bake 45 minutes or until top is browned and a toothpick poked into the center comes out clean. As they bake, the pears will sink to the bottom and form their own layer [or not].

Cool 30 minutes [if you have any restraint when it comes to dessert]; dust with powdered sugar. Serve slightly warm, straight from the dish [or eat it straight from the dish, like the micro-waved brownies of our past].

Easy. Peasy. Not Japanesey - but damn tasty!

This has to be about as retro as it goes. Definitely a word-of-mouth colonial kind of recipe, I can imagine every lady - from house help to house wife - has this doughy dessert in their apron pocket.

And they should. Because, damn, it's good.

Nothing can replace a true ASSpic!

2011-01-26T16:27:00.004-06:00

This is what I did.
And I did it for the cleverest, kitschiest blogger I know - Mimi! I hold her bloggy WW challenge of yesteryear pretty dear. You can find my recipe and all the retro stomach turners of '72 right here:

1972: The Retro WW Experiment

Hey - don't KNOX it 'til you try it.

Gellin' like a felon

2011-01-24T12:26:00.004-06:00

Guess what crime I committed with this innocent envelope of Knox:
Find out this week. And find a bag - there may well be a wave of nausea washing over you when you do.

Please humor this random line:
The skin jumps opposite the impersonal convenience.
It's a blog dare.
And anyway, when you find out where the Knox went, it'll make your skin crawl, too.

Pineapple Turns World Upside Down. Film at 11 a.m.

2011-01-16T12:54:00.003-06:00

We were invited over to friends' last night for cocktails & catch-up. I invited a pineapple upside down cake. I labored. And when I flipped it over...it didn't deliver.
In looks only. Because, darn it. It was delicious. Even if I didn't have cherries on hand. Lesson learned: let cake cool. Longer. But a slice - and a sip - still warmed us on the inside.

What's in your Pyrex?

2011-01-12T13:50:00.002-06:00

Mine's full of homemade granola.

You know, it IS January, after all. And a girl watching her waistline never goes out of style. If you're on a quest for less jiggly bits, visit my friend Mimi's blog. Right Here.

Oh, Mimi! Be warned that you're going to giggle. And it might make you jiggle. But a good side-splitting gaffaw is sure to burn a few pesky calories - and beats the hell out of a tuna gelatine mold.

& Before I forget - here's where I found the tasty granola recipe - on a new-to-me blog: Amanda's Cookin'

What kind of good-for-you mischief are you stirring up today?

Snow Day!

2011-01-11T18:25:00.004-06:00

KC is under not a blanket, but a quilt of snow this week. We're on snow day #2. And when you can't beat it - you eat it. So we did. Tonight's dessert was straight from mother nature.

Snow Ice Cream
Medium-sized mixing bowl of fresh snow
1 Cup-ish of milk
1 Cup-ish of granulated sugar
1 Tablespoon vanilla
Chocolate syrup to drizzle [and add flavor!]

Please don't tell me you read that article on all the bacteria in the fresh, powdery snow, too. I don't wanna hear it. If they knew in 1950 what we know in 2011, there would be no MSG!

Castsup Erruption

2011-01-10T11:38:00.002-06:00

Man. That sounds dirty. Doesn't it? But that's exactly what's happening on the cover of The American FAMILY Cookbook.Those poor little potato tots. Waiting there. Helplessly. Hoping for just a lick of the 50s chief condiment.

Lend me some sugar, I am your neighbor.

2011-01-09T09:51:00.004-06:00

What's a girl to do with an empty cooky jar? Between the holiday baking hooplah and the [im]patient wait for the Daisy's to deliver the Thin Mints, some old-school, white-flour, granulated-sugar, full-on carb cookies were in order. You know, the kind just like grandma used to make. Well, that's what they say in Better Homes & Gardens Birthdays and Family Celebrations cookbook (c)'63.

The scared kitty cookys were inspired by our new fluffy family member, Sparrow. And just like her, they turned out sweet and fluffy, too.

Sugar Cookies
Just like Grandma used to make --
[Because, remember, if Gma made 'em now, she might sub in some quirky ingredients - nothing like a reminder that the old gal can't quite bake 'em like she used to. Good thing you can step up to the oven.]

1 cup butter or margarine
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 1/2 cups sugar
3 eggs
3 1/2 cups sifted all-purpose flour [admittance of guilt: I never sift]
2 teaspoons cream of tartar
1 teaspoon soda
1/2 teaspoon salt

Cream butter and vanilla. Add sugar gradually, creaming till light and fluffy. Add eggs, one at a time, beating after each. Sift dry ingredients together. Add gradually to creamed mixture. Chill thoroughly (3 to 4 hours).

Roll on well-floured surface 1/8 to 1/4 inch. Cut in desired shapes. Bake on ungreased cooky sheets in moderate oven (375 degrees) 6 to 8 minutes. Cool slightly on cooky sheet; remove to rack and finish cooling.

Beef...

2011-01-06T19:40:00.002-06:00

...it's what's oozing technicolor blood before dinner.

Don't judge a soup...

2011-01-05T19:33:00.002-06:00

...by it's wretched color.
Wondering just what I've ladled up for the family? Go ahead. Guess...

Auld Lang Syne

2011-01-02T10:43:00.002-06:00

Maybe it was the martinis. But we made it 'til midnight.
I'm working on a bit of a bucket list for the new year. And it includes plenty of old tricks. Are you resolving to raise the bar? Lower the bar? Visit the bar?

All I want for Christmas is....

2010-12-28T20:11:00.001-06:00

so, what did you get?

Merry Kitschmas!

2010-12-23T06:57:00.002-06:00

to you & yours - from mine!

WTF?!? Friday: Chips & ???

2010-12-10T08:16:00.004-06:00

This cookbook.

And this freako clown.

Are sure that a side of this will compliment the crunch of your favorite potato chip.But wtf is it?

Whooo likes gingerbread cookys?

2010-12-09T15:07:00.004-06:00

I wish we spelled cookies cookys. Don't you?

[my recipe comes from this book - my mom's circa the '60s]

'Tis the season to tie one on [an apron! what'd you think I met? a vodka gimlet], and I've been busy in the kitchen. Sometimes in the quiet of the evening, sometimes with the riot of the family.
Last night it was time to gingerly bake and decorate gingerbread boys [or men?], trees, stars and...owls.
The kids & Tom surprised me with a sweet hooty cooky cutter. It hit the mailbox that afternoon and I resisted the urge to defy the government and open it myself, even though it was addressed to Tom.

I'm so glad I did. Do you do gingerbread? Crunchy - or chewy?

Tipsy Tuesday: Beverages for a Crowd

2010-12-07T07:54:00.006-06:00

A jello mold that serves 20 is one thing. Spirits for a dozen is something different altogether! My mom bestowed this bevy of beverages ala Calvert Whiskey and Wabel's Liquor Store circa 1960 this weekend.We're throwing a little to-do, and I want to add some ta-daa at our modest bar. I'm thinking punch will be a pleaser - who could argue with Chapter 3?!

Like a bowl of:
Stirrup Cup
1 pint light rum
1 1/2 oz brown sugar
3 oz lime juice
6 oz pineapple juice

Serve in punch bowl with ice. Provide highball glasses filled with cracked ice and decorated with lemon peel spiral.

There are so many swell suggestions for 'home entertaining' in this handbook, it's perfection when it comes to party planning. I'd be a fool not to consult these professionals for my party.

What are your party plans?

Molds for the Masses

2010-12-06T21:18:00.003-06:00

Kay Savage was the Dear Abby of her day. In an if-you-give-a-hoot-about-the-Detroit-Free-Press foodie kind of way. And in the back of her kinda-cookbook, Recipes From The Tower Kitchen, there is a Q & A that totally made my day.

Q--Have you a molded vegetable salad that will serve about 20?

A--[blah blah blah]...Good results can be obtained by molding this mixture in two ring molds. The centers may be used to hold small bowls of salad dressing if you wish.

Vegetable Perfection Salad
4 cans condensed beef consomme
4 pkgs lemon-flavored gelatin [why, oh why must beef be paired with lemon jello?]
2 1/2 c cold water
1/3 c lemon juice
4 hard cooked eggs, sliced
1 1/2 c sweet mix pickles, chopped
4 c shredded carrot
3 c thinly sliced celery
1/4 c chopped pimento

Do you really, really, really want me to post the instructions? I would let my stomach turn for you if you told me you wanted me to.

Please don't.

WTF?!? Friday: Shaken - not stirred.

2010-12-03T06:42:00.003-06:00

The BH&G Blender Book does it again...
But what the hell has it done?

Corn. In. Space.

2010-11-30T17:01:00.006-06:00

It came from outer space.And it was corn.
And Reynolds Wrap swore you could cook it with microwave energy. Because micro-waves can't penetrate aluminum foil.
But doesn't it throw sparks? Even from this duct-taped chicken?

Back in '79 no one thought so. And I can only assume that they were talking about their new pacemaker while cooking 'Stirrable Ham Stew' under foil on the corded telephone to their cousin, Shirl.

Why don't we live dangerously anymore?

Tipsy Tuesday[eve]: You Dirty Rat

2010-11-29T20:33:00.005-06:00

I've been hanging out with some cool cats after hours.Anyone else read this bio? It really is swingin'. And it'll drive you to drink - in a good way. Inspiring the return of Tipsy Tuesday, we all have Sammy Davis, Jr. to thank - and his true love.
White Lady
2oz Dry London Gin
1/2 oz Cointreau
1/2 oz Lemon Juice
1 egg white

Shake. Strain. Pour. Be yourself.

Cranberries. Sauced.

2010-11-28T21:24:00.005-06:00

What's a cranberry to do in their off season? Well, looky here...They pose. And sculpt.They surf.And it's all in here. If they only knew.

How did you prep your robust, ruby-red fruity friends last week? I got mine sauced.

Cranberry-Orange Relish
1 Bag fresh cranberries
Zest and juice of 2 medium oranges
1/2 Cup water
1/2 Cup sugar [more to taste]

Dissolve sugar in water and orange juice. Add zest. Add cranberries and boil until skin pops [ouch - those poor little fun-loving tarts]. Simmer for 7 minutes - until sauce thickens. Serve chilled or room temp.

Tasty with our without turkey. I'd spoon it on toast.

A feast for the eyes

2010-11-24T11:33:00.002-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving Eve, all! From me & Pilgrim John.

I hope your apron is tied tight -- there's lots of slinging to be done in the kitschen over the next 24! I'm thankful that I get to put my feet up -- we're about to hit the road for the holiday. And I'm thankful that you still check in from time to time. And to show my appreciation, I'll be posting all through the holidays!

Enjoy your family this weekend --- see you sooner than you think!

Half-Baked

2010-11-07T19:53:00.007-06:00

Okay. One of the reasons I've been out of the kitschen so much as of late is my new diet & exercise regime. Essentially, I've been opting to dance my ass off at Jazzercize [talk about retro, right?] and been trying my damnedest to avoid one more beer, one more cookie, one more carb of choice. Well, Nutella nonwithstanding.

So far, I've been pretty half-assed. Heavy on the Jazzercize, light on the healthy eats. So today, I had an hour to burn, a cute blonde helper in an apron and this recipe from the Cheeky Kitchen for baked pumpkin donuts [you're going to have to click for this one, friends, I'm so annoyed I don't want to take the time to type the recipe - ugh].

I love glaze. I love donuts. I love fruity, spicy squash. What could possibly go wrong when I transformed this delicious dough [and Marge & I ate many small bites of this in the raw]:

Into this flat-ass donut?

[girth DOES matter - such is life]

A chewy, crusty, one-dimensional donut. Where did I go wrong? I did learn a lesson from the first batch and pulled the second go-round out ahead of the timer so I could trade the crunch for a cushion-y texture [and so I could treat my fresh mama friend Lesley to a few]. The flavor of the pastry is tasty, and the buttermilk glaze is to die for in a KrispyKreme way. But next time, screw baked. It's a Fry Daddy for this mama.

Sorry. I'm a little nuts.

2010-11-05T20:14:00.003-05:00

Okay. So there are oodles of reasons/excuses for not blogging so much as of late: the kids, balancing the avon/freelance/creative sources of income biz, the weather, books, and my obsession with sneaking spoonfuls of this blissful blend:How do you take your Nutella?

[psst...next week I'll be back. promise. with tomatoes.]

Hard-boiled Brains

2010-10-26T21:23:00.005-05:00

I went back to the Bargain Barn last weekend in Nebraska. And picked up a few pocket books. Here's one of the goodys:

[The American Family Cookbook (c)'69]

And here's a freako recipe I found on page 25:

[like a good horror movie, this pic is best served in black & white]

Goblin Eggs
8 hard-cooked eggs
1/4 cup piccalilli [pickled veggie relish - a delish condiment of the 60s]
1/4 cup mayonnaise or salad dressing
2 teaspoons prepared mustard
16 peppercorns or whole cloves
Green pepper

Cut off part of broad end of each shelled egg. Cut off other end of egg to make a cap for goblin. Scoop out brains [pardon me, yolk] and mash with fork [sicko]; add piccalilli, mayonnaise and mustard. Mix well and refill eggs; replace the top. With paring knife, mark goblin faces into egg white. Arrange peppercorns for [cold, dead] eyes and pieces of green pepper for noses and mouths.

These ought to whet a zombie's appetite for brains. Brains of a clown. On acid.

And I've got to admit. I'm a little scared to try it.

Zoned.

2010-10-17T17:50:00.003-05:00

Here's a flashy pic of me & T after the party. Forgot to make a photo opp with my Avon bag. And with the kids. Jeez. Guess we were just having WAY too much fun!

Zombie Land

2010-10-16T10:44:00.002-05:00

Tonight the fam has been invited to the annual Halloween bash at Amy's. Nellie Loves Vintage, Amy. Her tricks are nothing but treats. This year's theme? The Legend of Spooky Hollow. This year's costumes for the fam? Zombies. We have a few hours left to throw them together. I'm thinking I'll put a twist on last year's costume. Remember this one?
One hint: ding-dong.

WTF?!? Friday: Haunting Dish

2010-10-15T08:32:00.002-05:00

WTF?!? is this putrid pie?
And why?

Whoooo wants Avon?

2010-10-12T08:03:00.004-05:00

Just a subtle [or not-so] reminder. Last call for this week's Avon orders! As your ding-dong rep, know that I absolutely appreciate your support. So go ahead, CLICK HERE, retro guys & dolls!!
[retro Avon owl decanter of 'Roses, Roses' cologne, scored at an estate sale last weekend - I think it's a sign]

Cooler than Cool

2010-10-10T12:27:00.005-05:00

Something is missing from this swell Thermos cooler I scored from my friend's mother-in-law for $3 at her garage sale. You know her as the Highlights lady. I can't even imagine what else she's holding onto from back in the day...It definitely needs some soda-pop, a few Hamm's for daddy and some smartly wrapped sandwiches. Looks like we have a picnic to pack!
Hope you're having a sunny Sunday!

WTF?!? Friday: Table Top

2010-10-08T07:25:00.001-05:00

WTF?!? did mom put on the table for lunch?
Beans, franks and something pretty f-ed up!

The Highlight of My Week!

2010-10-07T08:27:00.003-05:00

My friend's mother-in-law has hung onto her sons' issues of Highlights for years. 37 years, to be exact. So when I saw them in a hasty pile at her garage sale for 10cents per mag, I had to get my hands all over them. Man, has that magazine changed over the years. But this October 1973 issue is just the way I like it, just the way I remember looking it over at the doctor's office on nervous sick days in the 70s.
Here's a Highlights to-do for you: can you match the kids' costumes with their shoes? No peeking at the answers!How about that for a Halloween kickoff? Here's to having fun [with a purpose]!

Butternut Squash [heavy on the butter]

2010-10-06T07:43:00.003-05:00

I did it. I got the kids to nosh on squash. It was as easy as 1 + 1: 1 part butter; 1 part brown sugar. And here's how sweet it looked.I think we all got a tiny cavity from just having it on our plates. Here's what I did to achieve the veggie-meets-candy consistency:

Scoop and slice 1 medium butternut squash. Melt 1 stick of butter and 3 T brown sugar over low heat. Toss pierced squash in pan and slide all ingredients into a baking dish. Place on center rack of a 500 degree oven [that would be "fast" or "hot" by retro standards]. Roast for 8 minutes, turn squash and roast 10 minutes more.

Write it off as a serving of vitamin A. And write a check to your dentist for the fillings.

They should serve this on a stick at the county fair, I swear.

How do you take your squash?

Tipsy Tuesday: Brandy [she's a fine girl]

2010-10-05T10:30:00.002-05:00

[wouldn't you just dig fetching your bottle of brandy from this bar?]

There's still a nip in the air in the midwest. So a nip of brandy is a must for an after hours warm up.

Brandy Cider
1 1/2oz Brandy
Hot Cider

Using a coffee mug, add ingredients and garnish with a cinnamon stick.

This is a drink you don't have to mull over...

Kitschy. Klassy. Kindred. Avon!

2010-10-04T10:38:00.005-05:00

Ding-dong! Avon calling!

Honey, it's me. Following in the footsteps of Peg [Dianne Wiest's kitschy character in Edward Scissorshands], with a tube of Pink Flush in hand, I'm launching my own virtual door-to-door biz online.

So I'm encouraging you to go back to your retro roots [I was raised on Avon, I mean, how else could a teen start their freshman year without "Cool Confidence" in their armpits?] and shop around HERE *!

You might even kick-start a fresh round of kitsch for your dressing table, you never know what goody you buy that might end up a cool family collectible that your grandkids are going to covet, like this...
I hope you answer the door when I come knocking. If I see you draw the curtains, I'm gonna loiter!

Thanks for listening. Now, I'll just let myself out...

*[click on the image on the left to go directly to my e-page. orders of $30 or more receive FREE shipping. EVERY time]

Appetite for Grammar

2010-10-03T18:06:00.001-05:00

Just a little 50's feast for the eyes before you start your school week...

Not-So-Retro

2010-09-29T19:30:00.002-05:00

Unless you ate a lot of naan back in the 60s. Then it is.

On my quest to get Marge & Ben on the farmer's market veggie love list, I threw together a cheezy treat - that ironically didn't fall flat.
Eggplant Flatbread Pizza
1 small eggplant, sliced thin and quartered
1 small onion, caramelized
1 red pepper, roasted
6 garlic cloves,quartered and roasted
1/4 cup bleu cheese
1/2 cup parmesan
2 'loaves' naan [heck, you can pick it up at Target]

After caramelizing onions, add a tablespoon of olive oil to the skillet. Saute eggplant. Remove from heat and top naan with all ingredients. Bake in 375 degree oven for 15 minutes or until cheese melts. Cool. Cut. Consume. Praise kids for veggie ingestion.

Next up: butternut and sweet dumpling veggie varietals that I hope they don't squash...

Tipsy Tuesday: Hot Cuppa

2010-09-28T13:09:00.002-05:00

[I scored this mug at Sparks for 50cents. Some days, I'll admit, I need the reminder!]

Here's a cocktail for a crisp, cool, fall nightcap. And it may just keep you up after hours...

Coffee Royal
1 1/2oz brandy
1 cup hot black coffee

Add brandy to coffee. At this point, you may add sugar to sweeten the taste. This may be garnished with a lemon peel. [Or, you could do whatever the hell you want.] Share one with your favorite Joe.

To Market, To Market

2010-09-27T06:58:00.002-05:00

The kids & I swung through the farmer's market this weekend. And I decided to see if I could get them to really dig squash. This week I'm going to forgo their retro canned-green-beans veggie funk by putting eggplant [I know that's not a squash, humor me], butternut & sweet dumpling on the menu.Keep in mind I WANT them to eat their veggies, so I've got to be up front about something: it's highly likely that I will NOT consult my vintage books. I've paged through and have yet to find something that the under 7 crowd would go for. Are you okay with that?

Psycho/Psychadelllic Squirrel

2010-09-26T08:26:00.003-05:00

I forgot to tell you. I made another pilgrimage to the Sparks flea market with a few of my favorite, thriftiest friends. As usual, I grabbed, haggled for and schlepped all I could for $20. This was my favorite find. For one dollar. Because Marge is, and forever will be, my squirrel...
...in every adorably psychotic way.

WPF?!? Pfriday

2010-09-24T07:33:00.003-05:00

I think we know WTF this is. But isn't it a little, well, phallic?Who would have thought a vegetable would make them blush?

Loafing Around the Kitchen with Calumet

2010-09-23T08:06:00.002-05:00

A cool evening and a little Calumet this week made for a bread pudding that was the bee's knees.
Calumet Bread Pudding (c)'20s
2 cups bread crumbs [I cubed them, didn't want the pudding to turn out crummy]
2 cups milk
1/3 cup sugar
1 egg, well beaten
1/4 level teaspoon salt
1 level teaspoon Calumet Baking Powder
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
2 tablespoons butter

Scald milk, pour over crumbs [cubes!]. Let stand until cool. Beat egg thoroughly; add sugar, salt and baking powder well mixed. Combine this mixture with the milk and crumbs [cubes!]; add butter and vanilla. Bake in a buttered baking dish one hour in a slow oven [aka at about 350 degrees]. Serve with Caramel Custard Sauce [I didn't have the patience - as usual I needed instant gratification in the form of Cool Whip]. Raisins may be added to the pudding, if desired.

Caramel Custard Sauce
[aka what I shoulda made]
3/4 cup light brown sugar
3 level teaspoons flour
2 eggs, well beaten
1 1/2 cups milk
2 tablespoons butter

Mix sugar and flour thoroughly. Then add well beaten egg and milk. Place over double boiler and when hot, add butter. Cook until thick and creamy. Serve over the pudding, either hot or cold, if desired.

Thanks for the comfort, Calumet.

Tipsy Tuesday: Sherry Baby

2010-09-21T06:41:00.002-05:00

You might impress someone [especially yourself] if you can toss back this cocktail. It may make you more nauseous than tipsy.

Sherry Flip
1 1/2 oz Sherry Wine
1 Whole Egg
1 Teaspoon Sugar
Nutmeg

In a blender 1/2 filled with ice, add sherry, egg and sugar. Blend well and strain into a large wine or cocktail glass. Sprinkle with nutmeg. Gag.

Melamine on a Monday

2010-09-20T08:21:00.003-05:00

With my mom's help, I've been amassing quite the melamine collection. Last week we got a taste of fall in the Midwest, so I pulled out the cups, dessert plates and bowls and heaped in peaches, cornbread & chili. Here's the view from where I sat:My collection is about 99% Watertown LifetimeWare. Some days we'll spot it at the Bargain Barn for under a buck. Some days it's well over a dollar at an antique mall. To me it's priceless. And colorful, in a magnificently muted sort of way.

Do you have a stack of melamine on your shelf?

Hospital Fare: Get Well Soon

2010-09-18T08:49:00.003-05:00

My mom has spent the better part of this week in the hospital having & recovering from a knee replacement. Good news: she's getting well soon. Bad news: as soon as the nausea wore off, they started carting in funky fare tray by tray. Per mom, nearly every breakfast, lunch and dinner display from the cafeteria kitchen includes an item served up in kitschy luxe: on a bed of lettuce.

See for yourself. And guess what's snuggled in the gelatin...

WTF?l? Friday: Bite-sized

2010-09-17T06:47:00.001-05:00

WTF are these?!? And would you put one in YOUR mouth?

Busy Lady Bake-Off Brownies

2010-09-15T20:38:00.003-05:00

I don't know about you, but I'm one busy lady. So busy, that when I have a craving for something chocolate, gooey and high in every single carbohydrate I can think of, I don't have the time to consider driving through Starbucks for a brownie. Hell no. I've got too much going on. Why, I have to run to the grocery for semi-sweet chocolate pieces, butter, flour, frosting mix, coconut, milk, eggs and salt! I mean, who has the time to pick up a brownie on the run?

Thank goodness that Pillsbury included some of their speedy sweets in The Pillsbury Busy Lady Bake-Off Recipes cookbook (c)'66! What was a gal to do? Rachael Ray and her 30-minute ways wasn't even born yet. Boy did the ladies struggle in the 60s. Talk about women's suffrage! And all this talk is making me hungry for:Coco-Nutty Brownies
{thanks to Mrs. Gerald Prochnow, Milwaukee, Wisconsin - hey, please tell me I'm not the only person who gets a kick out of spelling Milwaukee}

1 cup (6-ounce package) semi-sweet chocolate pieces
1/2 cup Land O'Lakes Butter [I always wonder, does this name offend my Native American friends?]
1 cup [wait for it...] Pillsbury's Best Flour (Regular, Instant Blending* or Self-Rising)
1 package [surprise again!] Pillsbury Two Layer Size Coconut-Almond Frosting Mix**
1/2 cup milk
1 egg
1/4 teaspoon salt

Melt chocolate pieces and butter in medium saucepan over low heat. Remove from heat. Add flour, packet of frosting mix, milk, egg and salt; beat until well blended. Stir in packet of coconut and almonds. Spread in greased 11x17 or 9x9-inch pan. Bake at 350 for 20 to 25 minutes. Cut into squares. Cool.

In all honesty, the flavor is much better than any Starbucks brownie that's passed through my lips [and to my hips]. Even though I had no Pillsbury Two Layer Size Coconut-Almond Frosting Mix [see **] on hand, and I subbed marshmallows, and chemical-laden Bob Greene Best Life "butter," these were a pretty sweet snack. I'd go on and on with adjectives to describe these almost-award winners, but I'm simply too damn busy to bother.

*What in the hell is this?
**WTF is this?

How's Tricks?

2010-09-15T07:24:00.003-05:00

How've you been? I hope you'll humor that no news has been good news from me. I squeezed every bit of sun and fun out of summer, and now it has come to a close. School is now in session. Life has a new kind of hectic pace, but one that allows for time to clutter up the kitchen.
Am I back?You bet your sweet Bake-Off I am! Look for a little something later this week...

topless in kc

2010-08-23T10:53:00.003-05:00

among countless other end-of-summer experiences that have kept me far, far away from the kitschen, my husband's 40th bday party, a "tomtoberfest" of sorts, was celebrated two weekends ago. and, well, we just had to bake him a totally embarrassing, totally unrelated to the celebration kind of cake. with boobs.

my friend lesley's dad had the guilty, dirty pleasure of one of these topless cakes back in '76 on his 26th bday. my mom said she crafted some itsy-bitsy bikini cakes years ago for the highschool cake walk in '73.

so les & i had to hand over a couple of cupcake tits to tom. it looked a little something like this:
tasteless. tacky. a dirty sort of kitschy. we handed forks around so everyone could help themselves to a piece, if you get my drift. my children are so proud of their parents. and their parents friends.

be back soon. and more refined. promise!

Tipsy Tuesday: More Cowbell

2010-08-10T07:27:00.004-05:00

A few of these stiffies would taste great while you're grazing...

Brave Bull
1 oz Brandy
3/4oz Coffee Liqueur

Pour brandy over ice in an old-fashioned glass. Top with coffee liqueur. Drink 'til the cows come home. Then pour them one.

WTF?!? Friday - with sizzle!

2010-08-06T06:41:00.002-05:00

WTF?!? is simmering & sizzling in this funky fry pan?
It's a mystery even to me...