Spring is trying really, really hard to, well, spring, here in the Midwest. So I found last weekend a befitting time to page through my latest & greatest Betty Crocker Outdoor Cook Book.And one thing became eerily clear. When preparing the feast, consider the setting. And consider where the guests will be sitting. Because, it seems, when dining on the edge [and inviting Tom Collins], only one thing is certain: leftovers.
I hope you enjoy this "wish you were here" gallery of eats as much as I do.
Betty Crocker's Party Book (c)'60 is your go-to for the green this St. Pat's Day. Of course, their illustrator had other, livelier, lilac shades of shamrocks on the brain. Retro rebel that he was. Nevermind the blatant lack of green, Betty has quite the laundry list of jig-inducing ideas, especially for St. Patrick's Day. She suggests her loyal readers spark their meals with Irish green.
How, you ask? Here are her erin go bright ideas:
Green pineapple rings for salads or broiled with meat.
Greens in abundance, especially parsley and watercress.
Guacamole dip for chips or as a spread for bread.
Green ices and ice creams - such as pistachio, lime and mint.
Green frostings for cakes and cookies; green cream cheese frosting for a sandwich loaf. For delicate tints, add food coloring with a light hand.
Shamrock shapes for cookies, biscuits, etc. are easy with a "club" cutter. [think bridge, ladies & gents]
Green shamrock candies [where in the hell would you find these?] to garnish individual fruit cocktails, butter, frosting, or cookies.
...and there's always green beer, because I'm that kind of girl. I wonder if Betty was.
As a, okay, I'm going to say it, housewife, I have a lot of balls to juggle. And that's not just a dirty joke. Who else is feeling this way today - or everyday?
...and how about that un-natural page break with a little extra elbow?
Nothing says, 'Americans love war!" like this goody: And nothing says, 'Americans love to get bombed!" like this martini:
Bomb Pop Martini 1 oz Bacardi Razz 1 oz Cherry Vodka 1 oz Limeaid Blue Sugar Crystals Grenadine Maraschino Cherry [for garnish, ladies & gents]
Dip the rim of your glass in limeaid, then sugar. Chill [the glass, not you]. Fill cocktail shaker 1/2 full with ice. Add razz rum, vodka & limeaid. Shake. Strain. Garnish. Shoot the breeze.
While the ingredients may be a bit mod, nothing says suburbia circa yesteryear like swilling a martini!
And, hey, here's one for the kids: http://www.bombpop.com/ - more fun than the ice cream truck, with none of the perv pedophile heebie-jeebies!
I needed a lunchbox cookie for the week for Ben - and with only old school ingredients on hand, you can bet that Better Homes & Gardens (c) circa '65 had my back.
[11 out of 12 of these baked goodys would frighten a child - which funky cooky would you chase with a glass of milk?]
Oatmeal Cookies 1 cup shortening 1 1/2 cups brown sugar 2 eggs 1/2 cup buttermilk* 1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon soda 1 teaspoon baking powder 1 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon cinnamon 1 teaspoon nutmeg 3 cups rolled oats 1/2 cups chopped California walnuts [or dollar store m&ms] 1/2 cup raisins
Cream together shortening, brown sugar and eggs till light and fluffy. Stir in buttermilk [confession: I didn't have any on hand, hell, who does? - so I subbed-in half & half - it worked just dandy]. Sift together dry ingredients; stir into creamed mixture. Stir in rolled oats, nuts, and raisins. Drop from tablespoon 2 inches apart on greased cooky sheet. Bake in hot oven [400 degrees] about 8 minutes. Cool slightly; remove from pan. Makes about 5 dozen [that's 3 dozen in 21st century cooky counts].
The half & half was heavenly. Wow. Don't tell anyone, but this is my new secret ingredient. I will sub it for milk in every damn thing I bake from now on. And the nutmeg was a pretty swell addition, too. Who woulda thunk it?
I'd love to use my wit in words for you! With years of marketing and copywriting experience equivalent to a baker's dozen, I've likely got a recipe for smart copy that will win over even your biggest business critic. E-me at kitschenfeast@hotmail.com
Macabre Kitsch
[original humor & original art by my friend dally]