WTF?!? Friday: For the Children

WTF?! is this nutrient-laden, body-building dish for children...
...that you wouldn't even feed to your dog?

Have a hella Friday!

Ring-a-Ling!

Betty Crocker's Merry Makings cook book is full of festive "Fun Foods for Happy Entertaining!" Like these cheater kolaches that offer a lot less labor and just as much love as the real deal to today's busy hostess. Well, almost.

Ring-a-Ling Ringers
a shortcake brunch dessert
2 cups Bisquick
2 tbsp sugar
1/2 cup milk
1/4 cup melted butter

Heat over to 425 degrees (hot). Mix all ingredients with fork. Beat 15 strokes. Knead gently 8 to 10 times on board lightly dusted with Bisquick. Roll dough 1/2" thick. cut out six 3" shortcakes. Dip fingers in Bisquick; press deep indentation (about 2" across) in center of each shortcake; fill with a heaping tablespoonful of Prune Filling (below) or apricot or raspberry jam. Bake about 10 min, or until lightly browned. Serve warm with whipped cream, commerical sour cream or sweet cream.

Don't beat yourself up about this lazy-ass pastry making process. Proceed to prune filling.

Prune filling: Simmer 1/2 lb. (a little over 1 cup) prunes in water to cover for 30 min., or until tender. Drain. CHop finely. Add 1/4 tsp. spice, 1/4 cup sugar, grated rind of 1 lemon and 1tbsp lemon juice. Cool.
Uh, yeah, I skipped the whole prune filling. I consider myself a pretty regular gal - on all levels - so I tossed some pitted bing cherries and fresh blueberries in a small saucepan with some sugar, water and a pinch of cornstarch. Much more palate pleasing, and my gut is happy, too.

Tipsy Tuesday: Bite the Bullet

[pic by Alphafish]

Silver Bullet
1 1/2 oz gin
splash of scotch

Pour over ice OR shake and strain - get yourself loaded however you like!

A Hoot.

This weekend I treated myself to some fresh ink. I had secretly been wanting this smart, kitschy image so badly that I found myself trying to talk my friends into getting one so I could live vicariously through their tattoo.

But I got wise.
Whooo else has a tattoo out there? What's it of?

WTF?!? Friday: Sweets for the WHO?

WTF is this dessert? And WHO TF is it for? If you ask me, it looks like it's for the birds...

All[most] Grown Up

I'm feeling embarrassingly selfish today. You see, it's my birthday. So it's okay. I've got quite the weekend planned. 36 hours of hanging out with my bestie. No kids. No husbands. Befriending people at the watering hole, getting ink done, putting cucumbers on our eyes. Hell, who knows what could happen.
Here's a repeat pic of a favorite birthday memory. Celebrating on the lawn of the titty pink house circa, methinks, 1980. How 'bout that dress?

Today, I've officially been an "adult" for half of my life. Where did the time go? Hell if I know.

Have a great day, yourselves. The ice cream cake's on me.

Fantasy Island: Vegetable Episode

Look boss! De cookbook! De cookbook! It's a garnisher's fantasy!
Indeed.The Fine Art of Garnishing (c)'78 was handed over to me this weekend [along with a stack of other un-gourmet goodys] from my good friend Mandy's mom, Amy. In its own right, a self-proclaimed book of the, "...comprehensive study of creating delightful and delicious ornaments from fruits and vegetables..." It's pretty much cruise-ship garnish porn. Everything from orange elephants to egg frogs and beet asters how-tos are covered.

I'm a bit of a novice, no surprise there. But I knew I could tackle this root vegetable oasis right outta the garden [not mine, I've got two dead strawberry plants and some sad onions fighting the pests in the backyard]. So without further ado, I present to you... Paradise Island. A potato hut with a thatched celery leaf roof. And a carrot palm with more leafy greens on top, thriving from the nutrient-rich russet isle. Kinda makes you want to put up your feet and sip on a pina colada with a scallion-flower garnish, huh?

Tipsy Tuesday: Christmas in July

Tie a pair of these on for a mental cool down tonight...

SnowShoe
1 oz Brandy
1 oz Peppermint Schnapps

Pour into funky snifter and swirl.

Whiz. Bang. Tasty Tower.

Here's a delish dish that might inspire you to eat dessert independently today from Good Housekeeping's Perfect Parties (c)'67 cook book:

Party Scoop
3 favorite-flavor ice creams
1 favorite-flavor sherbet
Halved strawberries
Pecan halves
Pineapple chunks, well drained

Several weeks ahead: [OH SHIT! Sorry]
1. Make balls from ice cream and sherbet - 3 different sizes (pictured version took 8 small, 14 medium, and 6 large balls). Freezer-wrap; freeze. [was that last instruction necessary? really?]
2. When ice-cream and sherbet balls are frozen, from heavy cardboard, cut a 7 1/2-inch circle; make a hole in the center to fit candle [or sparkler, for drama on the 4th. oh shit, that'd melt the cake, eh?]; in hole secure a 10-inch tall candle. Cover cardboard completely with foil.
3. Around candle arrange ice-cream and sherbet balls, alternating flavors and forming a tower as pictured [scroll down for the ta-daa!]. Tuck halved strawberries, pecan halves, and pineapple chunks here and there [talk about freedom, my friends!]. If ice cream starts to melt, pop it into freezer to firm up.
4. Freeze the Party Scoop; then freezer-wrap and store in freezer [this seems ass backwards, huh?]

At party time:
Remove Party Scoop from freezer; unwrap; place on serving plate; surround with flowers and leaves. Let stand 15 minutes [but wait, what if it starts to melt? then pop it in the freezer until it firms up and repeat the entire process into infinity...]. Light candle and serve.See? Told you that li'l fella would be all over it. Happy 4th, all!

Belly up to the BBQ

It may as well be Father's Day, what with the grilling protocol of the 4th of July weekend. It's my own personal big bang theory that fellas get off on the grill more so than the independence of our great country. I'm just saying.
So I've taken the liberty [har] to page through Better Homes & Gardens Barbecue Book (c)'65 looking for the meatiest recipe I can find to satisfy your gent's inner carnivore. Stoke the coals, baby, daddy's home and he's ready to play with fire.
Paul Bunyanburgers
2 eggs
2 pounds ground beef [chuck or top sirloin]
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1/2 teaspoon seasoned or garlic salt
Pepper
"Everything" [see below]

Beat eggs slightly: add ground beef and sprinkle with seasonings. Mix lightly with big wooden spoon. [Treat the meat gently.]. Divide mixture in thirds.

Using a 9-inch cake pan as a guide, draw a circle on waxed paper. Place a third of the meat in center and pat gently [or place waxed paper on top, too and roll lightly with rolling pin] to fill circle. Do not press hard.

Now for the built-in filling of "everything." Leaving 1-inch margin for sealing, spread half of the patty with mustard, top with chopped onion, cubed cheese, or pickle relish.

Lift point of waxed paper at the back and fold meat over filling. Press around the margin to seal in "everything." Brush top side with salad oil to keep burger from sticking to grill. Place in wire broiler basket; peel off paper. Brush other side with oil. Broil slowly to allow "everything" to heat through, cheese to melt and flavors to intermingle. Serve on hot plate with toasted buns.

Essentially, it's a big-ass meaty turnover. And that's not just a double entendre. And as far as I'm concerned, "everything" just ain't that much. So I'll be back before the 4th with a recipe for a dessert that'll please this little, over-eager fella.