Friday, April 30, 2010

WTF?!? [as in why] would you do this to your kids?

An excerpt from Body Building Dishes for Children (c)'50:
"...for a really hilarious dinner, nothing equals this schoolmate of Donald Duck." [scroll below for visual/post]
Yeah. I'm holding my sides because I'm laughing so hard. And because my kids' head is buried in my abdomen. Ouch. Thanks for this WTF?!? on a Friday:

Mock Duck
1 shoulder lamb [because simply serving them one of Little Bo Peep's sheep wasn't hilarious enough?]
4 slices salt pork or bacon
Salt & pepper

Have the butcher prepare a mock duck from the shoulder of lamb. Wrap the duck's head in salt pork or bacon. Sprinkle with salt and pepper and place on rack in open roasting pan. Roast in slow oven [300 degrees] about 45 minutes per pound or until a meat thermometer registers 180 degrees.

Yep. A f**king riot, don't you agree?

WTF?!? Friday: Carnage for Children

WTF?!? is this offensive dish for the under-aged?Find out about this freaky meal [yes, it's for real] tonight.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Curtain Call

Way before plunging the paintbrush to revamp the living room & kitchen, I had been on on the lookout for some diggy curtains to bring some retro into [and keep the peepers out of] the living room. And wouldja guess where I found them? At that damn flea-market-in-a-greenhouse, the Bargain Barn.

I still have to haul this haul to the laundry for a good cleaning [hey, I got $1 off the pair because I was skeeved out by an old spider's nest - totally devoid of spiders] and I need to rig up a rod, but I wanted to share these ecru, muddy brown and turquoise drapes with you. Straight from the 50s [and for less than the cost of a burger, fries & coke], here's my curtain call:

[creepy, crusty spider nest in full view. eww]

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Tipsy Tuesday: Fly High!

This retro recipe for a boozy doozy is straight from the Chicago World's Fair circa '33 -
[pic courtesy of davide levine via flickr]


1 1/2oz Gin
1oz Lemon Juice
4 Dashes Grenadine
1oz Cream

Shake. Strain. Pour over ice. Drink 'til your head's in the clouds.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

A little picnic-ing, perhaps?

I've got a few more scores from the Bargain Barn to share. One of my favorite [most fabulous] finds was this kiddie picnic set. 8 perfect plates and 6 cool cups that make mini meals into major events for Ben & Marge and their friends.Easily the best $2 I've ever spent. Aside from previous happy hours, of course.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

WTF?!? went from the garden to the table?

A delish side dish from Good Housekeeping's Book of Vegetables (c)'58 [by the way, you'd damn well better have a brush handy to stroke your squash]: Baked Acorn Squash with Vegetables
Start heating oven to 400 degrees. Halve and seed 2 medium acorn squash. Brush cut surface of each half with melted butter or margarine; then sprinkle each side with 1/4 teaspoon salt. Arrange, with cut side down, in baking pan. Bake 30 minutes.

Mix together 1/4 cup melted butter or margarine, and 1/4 cup corn syrup. Turn squash, cut side up; brush with combined butter and syrup. Bake until tender, brushing often with syrup - about 30 minutes. As soon as squash are baked, fill each with 1/2 cup hot seasoned peas [ugh], onions or Brussels sprouts.[here's my favorite photo ill. from the cookbook - oh the steady hand and sharp knife that it took for this veggie-table pic!]

Friday, April 23, 2010

WTF?!? Friday: Veg Out

Just what was plucked from the garden to assemble this mystery side dish. And why?
Find out tonight...

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Homemaker in the Making!

These have got to be the sweetest, diggiest illustrations. Feast your eyes on a few pages from this cool kiddie Fun to Cook Book (c)'78 from the Carnation Company [this could have easily belonged to me as a preschooler!]. It's one more goodie from the Bargain Barn [hey, Stan -- it's a hole-in-the-greenhouse flea-market in Nebraska]!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Winner! Winner! Retro Dinner!

Vonlippi --- you've just been victim to a random bbq tong act --- congrats on winning your VERY OWN copy of BH&Gs Barbecue Book!

E-me at with your addy and I'll drop it in the mail sooner than later [at least that's my intention....]

Thanks all for commenting -- when you bend my ear, it makes my day!!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

A Quickie! {for today's busy woman...}

That dear husband of mine is outta town for a bit. What's a housewife to do but turn to Good Housekeeping's Quick 'N' Easy Cook Book featuring time-saver dishes for today's busy woman (c)'58? Here it is in my hot little dish-pan hand:The kids [myself included] were demanding dessert tonight. And Good Housekeeping [hey, what's in a name?] had just what the spring evening ordered!

Berry Pockets
1 to 1 1/4 cups packaged biscuit mix [bisquik, of course!]
2 tablesp. sugar
1/3 cup heavy cream
1 cup fresh berries [we had strawberries in the icebox]
2 teasp. granulated sugar1/4 teasp. cinnamon
1/4 teasp. grated lemon rind
More cream
1 teasp. granulated sugar [will this sugar thing ever end? I hope not...]

About 20 minutes before serving [so much for the quick part]: Start heating oven to 425 degrees. Combine biscuit mix and 2 tablesp. sugar; stir in 1/3 cup cream [we only had skim milk and it more than compensated for it's fat stepsister], making fairly stiff dough. With a bit more mix from package, knead dough about 10 times so it will be easy to handle. Roll dough into very thin 12" square; cut in to 4" squares [we used a big-ass gas station cup to cut circles, my dough didn't want to pull and stretch into a square, thankyouverymuch].

Combine berries, 2 teasp. sugar, cinnamon, rind. On one side of each square [or circle], place spoonful of berries. Fold one corner of square over fruit, making triangle [or half circle -- is my square instruction, round dessert thing irking you yet?]. With fork dipped into flour, seal edges together. Place on greased baking sheet; cut 2 small slits in top of each [not a problem, as I had the damndest time getting these to seal]. Brush tops with more cream [or butter]; sprinkle with remaining 1 teasp. sugar. Bake about 12 min., or until golden and berries are done. Serve hot, right from the oven, with more cream, if desired.Despite our best efforts [I pulled Ben & Marge in with me on this one], the result was, as Ina Garten would put it, rather "rustic." And really, really, really delicious. Ben pointed out that they'd be good for breakfast. Yes. They. Would.

[by the way, I'm a few days behind on my "10 day give-a-way". my bad, okay? last chance to comment this Wednesday to win the Barbecue Cook Book --- tonight I'll reveal the retro winner after dinner!]

Tipsy Tuesday: Gin!

Stir up some trouble with your pals after tossing back a few of these...
Gin Sours
{for two} - sounds like this recipe needs to be trippled...
2 teaspoons powdered sugar
Juice of 1 lime
Juice of 1 lemon
3 jiggars Hiram Walker's Gin {it's totally okay, Hiram won't mind passing you the bottle}

Shake. Strain. Chase a few skirts [or trousers].

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Picnic Pack

What's turquoise, pink, yellow and white all over?My new melamine dish set! Thanks to my mom [this was my Easter gifty], my kitchen is in full bloom!

We grabbed a lot more goodies at the ol' Bargain Barn this weekend in Nebraska - I'll blow the must and dust off and reveal more retro later this week!

WTF?!? I'll spare you the details...

Ya'll want to know WTF?!? the moldy salad is that took center stage on Friday?

Lez bon temps roule, friends, it's the Mardi Gras Salad Platter from Good Housekeeping's Book of Salads (c)'58! While I will graciously spare you the gory directions, I can't help but share the insane ingredient list [imagine this sweating in the humidity of NOLA at a 4th of July potluck...]:

  • French dressing
  • Mayonnaise
  • Diced, cooked potatoes
  • Hard-cooked eggs
  • Cottage cheese
  • Diced pimento
  • Diced green pepper
  • Minced onion
  • Parsley
  • Salt
  • Crisp greens
  • Radish roses
  • Ripe olives
  • & ready-to-eat smoked beef tongue, or cooked or canned tongue

You're welcome - enjoy!

Friday, April 16, 2010

WTF?!? Friday: Moldy

When someone constructed this mystery salad, I sure as hell hope they broke the mold!Come back for a mound on Sunday [we're hitting the road for the weekend]!

Have a helluva Friday!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Burger Time!

[that's my favorite arcade game, by the way - I love how the little eggs chase your mini-chef around and all it takes is a flick of your wrist to pepper them into submission...]

I'm pretty sure my family has forgotten what real ground beef tastes like. It's a shame, isn't it? So in lieu of some delishy fatty marbling, I added all kinds of zip to these [turkey] burgers from the Culinary Arts Institute's Ground Meat Cookbook (c)'54 -Spicy Beef Burgers
Set out a large, heavy skillet
Blend together
1/3 cup ketchup
1 tablespoon prepared horse-radish
2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon msg [damn - I need to start keeping that on hand]
1/8 teaspoon pepper
2-3 drops tobasco sauce
Combine with seasonings and mix lightly
2lbs ground beef [remember, I fudged with turkey]
Shape into 8 patties about 3/4 inch thick
Heat in skillet 1-2 tablespoons fat
Put meat patties in skillet and cook over medium heat until brown on one side. Turn and brown other side. Allow 10 to 15 minutes for cooking patties. Pour off fat as it collects [ugh, don't remind me].

I'll admit that these would have made much tastier burgers, were they beef. So don't follow my digression. I backed off the tobasco since the kids were noshing on them, too - so definitely shake those few drops in on your own terms. And move them to the grill for cooking - I'm not a fan of the 'fry in the fat' patty. So now you're left wondering if I liked them? If I really, really liked them? I did. But I like them only as a friend. We're not in love. It's not the burger, it's me.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Tipsy Tuesday: Vintage Vino

Watch out. Granny's got grapes.

My friend Suzanne [who is all kinds of crazy about retro, and, by the way, introduced me to the diggy space-age dulcet tones of Esquivel back in the day] recently ponied up her grandmother's recipe for dime store wine.
Grape Wine
2- 12oz cans frozen grape juice
4 cups sugar
1/4 teaspoon dry yeast

Put in glass gallon jug. Cover with a good 10-cent balloon [we're all wtf?!? on that one , too]. Set in a dark, cool place for 21 days [hmmm, isn't that just a week shy of your average rehab program?].

After waiting patiently [and most likely consuming many a gimlet in the meantime], you, too, can raise your glass to gram's handcrafted, moonshine wine and dig a swig!

Sunday, April 11, 2010


No, no, it's not my neutered dog's nickname. It's a quick, easy kid-pleasing recipe that adds a steady amount of veggie shortening to your diet. I can't find the recipe in my retro cookbook library this morning, so you're going to have to trust me on this one - it's fast, easy, fatty, and fun!Biscuit Donuts
1 tube refrigerator biscuits
2+ cups Crisco
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup cinnamon
brown bag [just take your 40 oz of brew out and stick it in the fridge]

Heat & melt Crisco in fry daddy [how's that for retro?] or deep, mid-sized skillet. Open tube biscuits and poke the center of each with a straw, stretching out with your finger to make a donut hole [I am well-aware that this sounds all kinds of wrong]. Drop biscuits two at a time into liquid lard. Turn donuts over when they float and fry until both sides are golden brown [about 2 minutes total]. Remove from fryer and toss directly into brown bag containing cinnamon & sugar mix. Close bag, shake and dry on a paper towel. Nosh on the 'nuts!

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Blender Bender

Here's a cocktail that's whirled, not stirred from Better Homes & Gardens Blender Cookbook (c)'71, per my promise.Pink Lady
1 jigger gin (1 1/2 ounces)
1/2 jigger apple brandy (3/4 ounce)
1 tablespoon grenadine syrup
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1 egg white
1/2 cup crushed ice

Place all ingredients in blender; blend to mix. Strain into cocktail glass. Makes 1 drink [so you'd best quad up this recipe].

Let it tickle you pink today [*wink*]!

Friday, April 9, 2010

WTF?! It's Beefy.

WTF?! is for dinner tonight? Let's blend dinner and side dish with this recipe from the Better Homes & Gardens Blender Cookbook (c)'71. It's right [and so wrong], beef. In a blender.

Stuffed Beef Rounds

2 pounds beef round steak 1/2 inch thick
4 ounces sharp process American cheese, cut in cubes (1 cup)
1/2 slice bread
1/2 medium onion, cut into pieces
3 stalks celery, sliced
3 springs parsley
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper [I often wonder why it's even listed when it's nary a pinch, wtf?]
2 tablespoons salad oil
1 - 10 1/2 ounce can condensed beef broth
1/2 teaspoon dry mustard
1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
1/4 cup water

Cut steak into 6 pieces; pound to 1/4-inch thickness. Place cheese and bread in blender container; blend till cheese is coarsely chopped. Remove from blender to bowl. Place onion, celery, and parsley in blender; blend till coarsely chopped. Add to cheese.

Divide the stuffing mixture among pieces of steak. Roll up each steak jelly-roll fashion; secure with wooden picks or tie with string. Combine the 1/4 cup flour, salt and pepper. Roll meat in flour mixture to coat. In 10-inch skillet, slowly brown meat in hot oil. Drain off excess fat. Combine beef broth and dry mustard; pour over steak rolls. Cover and cook over low heat till meat is tender, about 1 to 1 1/4 hours. Remove meat to platter.

Skim excess fat from pan juices. Combine with 1 tablespoon flour and the water; stir into pan juices. Cook and stir till sauce thickens and bubbles; pour over meat. Serves 6.

WTF? I thought using the blender would be a time saver. Ugh. And eww.

Head to your blender this weekend for a cocktail [I'll share a recipe worth of a blender bender tomorrow]!

WTF?! Friday: So Meaty

WTF?! is round up and ground up for this BH&G recipe?
Come back for the disgusting details tonight! [remember, commenting enters you to win in honor of 10!]

Have a fab Friday!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

10K Give-a-Way! Whaddaya Say?

The square in me digs that I'm about to hit my 10,000th hit today. So thanks to all of you, and the season of spring, I'm thinking this calls for a give-a-way, eh?!

Drop of a comment over the next 10 days and you'll be entered to win your own hardcover copy of BH&G's Barbecue Book [you've eyeballed recipes from it before, and you can master the grill circa '68 all over again]!Whaddaya waiting for? Give me the dish!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

PB&W in the Morning

Rinse out your Bass-o-Matic, it's time to experiment with Better Homes & Garden's Blender Cook Book (c)'71! In a sea of un-appetizing recipes [Vegetable Tempura, Company Cabbage] I reeled in a keeper.Peanut Butter Waffles
stack sandwich-fashion with jelly in between -
1 cup milk
1 egg
2 tablespoons salad oil
1/3 cup chunk-style peanut butter
2 tablespoons sugar
1 cup packaged pancake mix
Place first 6 ingredients in blender container; blend just to combine ingredients and moisten pancake mix. (Mixture will not be smooth). Bake in preheated waffle baker. Serve with butter and jelly [we were all abuzz to use honey instead]. Makes 32 waffles [ahem, BH&G, this is bullshit - I made 8].

These. Are. Tasty.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Tipsy Tuesday: Monkey See, Monkey Do

See what evolves when you toss back a few of these [aren't you glad we all have opposable thumbs?] this Tuesday...
Monkey Cocktail
1 ounce Puerto Rican rum
3/4 ounce almond syrup
1 ounce lemon or lime juice
1 dash of Angostura bitters

Pour. Shake. Strain. Share with your uncle.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Hella Heloise!

Look at what I sprung for at the flea market on Friday...How is it that I am just now acquiring this vintage volume (c)'63?!

Here's one of Heloise's handiest kitchen hints:
"Say Cheeze!
[from Connecticut]: Before I grate cheese, I put a small amount of cooking oil on the grater with either a small pastry brush or a paper towel and rub a bit. When washing the grater...[wait for it]...all cheese will immediately come off."
Nice. What's your handiest hint? I'm using this one from now on -- and I'd dig hearing one of yours!

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Happy Easter!

Thought you might like to feast your eyes on this nesty pic from the Better Homes & Gardens Holiday Cook Book (c)'58Enjoy nesting with your family today!

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Aunt Elsie

Here's a picture of my Aunt Elsie. Primed to celebrate her silver anniversary. This was taken pre-purple polyester pantsuits phase [I'm now on the hunt for a few pics of her in her costume jewelry glory].I kinda want to grab some crayolas and color this picture in -- but honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if they were dressing themselves and the table to match the silver in their anniversary!

Friday, April 2, 2010

WTF is in Spicy Crab-Meat Salad?

I consulted Good Housekeeping's Book of Salads (c)'58 to find out.
Spicy Crab-Meat Salad
In large bowl, combine 1/2 cup chili sauce, 1 cup mayonnaise or salad dressing, 2 teasp. curry powder; refrigerate. Before serving, add 3, 6 1/2oz-cans (3 1/2 cups) canned king crab meat (or lobster), 4 cups thinly sliced lettuce; toss. Serve, garnished with ripe olives and radishes, or cooked or canned asparagus spears. Or heap into 6 scooped-out tomatoes.

Wow. The possibilities are indeed endless... Do something fishy this weekend!

WTF?! Friday: See-Food

WTF?! is this salad gracing/cursing the bottom left of this cookbook photo?
I'll reel you in with the answer after dinner!

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Gay Setting.

No, it's not an Olympic sport. It's what you should plan to place on your table on Easter Sunday.
" Hard-cooked eggs in vibrant colors, atop a black lacquer board, make a striking decoration. Matching eggs go in "nests" at each place. (For colors of this intensity, use India inks.] Added drama - a repeat of black in place mats. Painted wooden birds add a note of whimsey to the setting. "

Um, thanks, Better Homes & Gardens Holiday Cook Book (c)'59. What a cheerful spread. I've think you've gotten your "gay" all kinds of wrong.