If you give a hostess a can of salmon...

...whatever will she make?You know when you give her a can of salmon, she's probably going to ask for an envelope of Knox gelatine. And if you give her an envelope of Knox gelatine, she's probably going to ask for some hard boiled eggs. And make this:
Or this:
Perhaps this:Heavens no, not this:Or this show-stopper:
Or you could just tell the bitch you don't have any canned salmon.

Tipsy Tuesday! Crispy

The sky is falling in the midwest. It's pretty. And it's not. The snow days are piling up faster than the fluffy white precip. So I've decided to divide my time between doting on my adoring children [okay, who am I kidding?], paging through magazines - and keeping the oven in a perpetual state of 350 degrees.

I'm not going to insult your intelligence and scribble down an apple crisp recipe. Even if it's a charmer from the Betty Crocker Boys & Girls Cook Book (c)'62. And even if it turned out like this:

Instead, I'm going to warm your innards with a zippy cocktail. Because when you're one-half of a snow day down, with more to go, it's gotta be your go-to.

Apple Toddy
1 1/2oz apple brandy
hot apple cider

Pour apple brandy in a coffee mug. Next, pour in heated apple cider to fill the mug. Garnish with a cinnamon stick.

Okay, maybe I didn't need to jot down this short & sweet recipe either. But I did.

Have fun hunkering down for the day[s]!

WTF?!? Friday: Hungover

I'm not saying this casserole can do the work of the 'hair of the dog' -- I'm just saying I'm a little slow on the Friday post. That said, WTF?!? cocktail would you pair with this mystery casserole?

Flipping Out

Are my kids the only ones that flip out every night at dinner if I haven't decided to do dessert? Before the first forkful of whatever fabulous food group fusion hits their mouth, they move their lips to ask, "What's for dessert, mom? Huh?" Oh, it is indeed charming.

So much to my chagrin, my time crunch, and my barren pantry, the big cheese of the Sunday paper - Parade Magazine - had my back this weekend. And so my family had this:


Pear Flip-Flop
4 1/2 Tbsp unsalted butter
3/4 cup all-purpose flour [I used whole wheat - to go all Jessica Seinfeld on 'em - shhh...]
3/4 cup sugar
1 1/2 teasp baking powder
Pinch of salt
3/4 cup milk
1 1/4 teasp vanilla
1 1/2 cups sliced or diced pears
Powdered sugar, for dusting [crap - I totally spaced on that]

Cut the butter into chunks and toss into 9-inch deep-dish pie plate. Place in a 350 degree oven for 5-8 minutes, or until butter is melted. Meanwhile, whisk together dry ingredients in a mixing bowl. Add milk and vanilla and whisk until smooth.

Pour batter over the hot butter, top with the pears. Bake 45 minutes or until top is browned and a toothpick poked into the center comes out clean. As they bake, the pears will sink to the bottom and form their own layer [or not].

Cool 30 minutes [if you have any restraint when it comes to dessert]; dust with powdered sugar. Serve slightly warm, straight from the dish [or eat it straight from the dish, like the micro-waved brownies of our past].

Easy. Peasy. Not Japanesey - but damn tasty!


This has to be about as retro as it goes. Definitely a word-of-mouth colonial kind of recipe, I can imagine every lady - from house help to house wife - has this doughy dessert in their apron pocket.

And they should. Because, damn, it's good.

Nothing can replace a true ASSpic!

This is what I did.
And I did it for the cleverest, kitschiest blogger I know - Mimi! I hold her bloggy WW challenge of yesteryear pretty dear. You can find my recipe and all the retro stomach turners of '72 right here:

1972: The Retro WW Experiment

Hey - don't KNOX it 'til you try it.

Gellin' like a felon

Guess what crime I committed with this innocent envelope of Knox:
Find out this week. And find a bag - there may well be a wave of nausea washing over you when you do.

Please humor this random line:
The skin jumps opposite the impersonal convenience.
It's a blog dare.
And anyway, when you find out where the Knox went, it'll make your skin crawl, too.

Pineapple Turns World Upside Down. Film at 11 a.m.

We were invited over to friends' last night for cocktails & catch-up. I invited a pineapple upside down cake. I labored. And when I flipped it over...it didn't deliver.
In looks only. Because, darn it. It was delicious. Even if I didn't have cherries on hand. Lesson learned: let cake cool. Longer. But a slice - and a sip - still warmed us on the inside.