An excerpt from Body Building Dishes for Children (c)'50:
"...for a really hilarious dinner, nothing equals this schoolmate of Donald Duck." [scroll below for visual/post]
Yeah. I'm holding my sides because I'm laughing so hard. And because my kids' head is buried in my abdomen. Ouch. Thanks for this WTF?!? on a Friday:
Mock Duck 1 shoulder lamb [because simply serving them one of Little Bo Peep's sheep wasn't hilarious enough?] 4 slices salt pork or bacon Salt & pepper
Have the butcher prepare a mock duck from the shoulder of lamb. Wrap the duck's head in salt pork or bacon. Sprinkle with salt and pepper and place on rack in open roasting pan. Roast in slow oven [300 degrees] about 45 minutes per pound or until a meat thermometer registers 180 degrees.
Way before plunging the paintbrush to revamp the living room & kitchen, I had been on on the lookout for some diggy curtains to bring some retro into [and keep the peepers out of] the living room. And wouldja guess where I found them? At that damn flea-market-in-a-greenhouse, the Bargain Barn.
I still have to haul this haul to the laundry for a good cleaning [hey, I got $1 off the pair because I was skeeved out by an old spider's nest - totally devoid of spiders] and I need to rig up a rod, but I wanted to share these ecru, muddy brown and turquoise drapes with you. Straight from the 50s [and for less than the cost of a burger, fries & coke], here's my curtain call:
I've got a few more scores from the Bargain Barn to share. One of my favorite [most fabulous] finds was this kiddie picnic set. 8 perfect plates and 6 cool cups that make mini meals into major events for Ben & Marge and their friends.Easily the best $2 I've ever spent. Aside from previous happy hours, of course.
A delish side dish from Good Housekeeping's Book of Vegetables (c)'58 [by the way, you'd damn well better have a brush handy to stroke your squash]:Baked Acorn Squash with Vegetables Start heating oven to 400 degrees. Halve and seed 2 medium acorn squash. Brush cut surface of each half with melted butter or margarine; then sprinkle each side with 1/4 teaspoon salt. Arrange, with cut side down, in baking pan. Bake 30 minutes.
Mix together 1/4 cup melted butter or margarine, and 1/4 cup corn syrup. Turn squash, cut side up; brush with combined butter and syrup. Bake until tender, brushing often with syrup - about 30 minutes. As soon as squash are baked, fill each with 1/2 cup hot seasoned peas [ugh], onions or Brussels sprouts.[here's my favorite photo ill. from the cookbook - oh the steady hand and sharp knife that it took for this veggie-table pic!]
These have got to be the sweetest, diggiest illustrations. Feast your eyes on a few pages from this cool kiddie Fun to Cook Book (c)'78 from the Carnation Company [this could have easily belonged to me as a preschooler!]. It's one more goodie from the Bargain Barn [hey, Stan -- it's a hole-in-the-greenhouse flea-market in Nebraska]!
That dear husband of mine is outta town for a bit. What's a housewife to do but turn to Good Housekeeping's Quick 'N' Easy Cook Book featuring time-saver dishes for today's busy woman (c)'58? Here it is in my hot little dish-pan hand:The kids [myself included] were demanding dessert tonight. And Good Housekeeping [hey, what's in a name?] had just what the spring evening ordered!
Berry Pockets 1 to 1 1/4 cups packaged biscuit mix [bisquik, of course!] 2 tablesp. sugar 1/3 cup heavy cream 1 cup fresh berries [we had strawberries in the icebox] 2 teasp. granulated sugar1/4 teasp. cinnamon 1/4 teasp. grated lemon rind More cream 1 teasp. granulated sugar [will this sugar thing ever end? I hope not...]
About 20 minutes before serving [so much for the quick part]: Start heating oven to 425 degrees. Combine biscuit mix and 2 tablesp. sugar; stir in 1/3 cup cream [we only had skim milk and it more than compensated for it's fat stepsister], making fairly stiff dough. With a bit more mix from package, knead dough about 10 times so it will be easy to handle. Roll dough into very thin 12" square; cut in to 4" squares [we used a big-ass gas station cup to cut circles, my dough didn't want to pull and stretch into a square, thankyouverymuch].
Combine berries, 2 teasp. sugar, cinnamon, rind. On one side of each square [or circle], place spoonful of berries. Fold one corner of square over fruit, making triangle [or half circle -- is my square instruction, round dessert thing irking you yet?]. With fork dipped into flour, seal edges together. Place on greased baking sheet; cut 2 small slits in top of each [not a problem, as I had the damndest time getting these to seal]. Brush tops with more cream [or butter]; sprinkle with remaining 1 teasp. sugar. Bake about 12 min., or until golden and berries are done. Serve hot, right from the oven, with more cream, if desired.Despite our best efforts [I pulled Ben & Marge in with me on this one], the result was, as Ina Garten would put it, rather "rustic." And really, really, really delicious. Ben pointed out that they'd be good for breakfast. Yes. They. Would.
[by the way, I'm a few days behind on my "10 day give-a-way". my bad, okay? last chance to comment this Wednesday to win the Barbecue Cook Book --- tonight I'll reveal the retro winner after dinner!]
Stir up some trouble with your pals after tossing back a few of these... Gin Sours {for two} - sounds like this recipe needs to be trippled... 2 teaspoons powdered sugar Juice of 1 lime Juice of 1 lemon 3 jiggars Hiram Walker's Gin {it's totally okay, Hiram won't mind passing you the bottle}
What's turquoise, pink, yellow and white all over?My new melamine dish set! Thanks to my mom [this was my Easter gifty], my kitchen is in full bloom!
We grabbed a lot more goodies at the ol' Bargain Barn this weekend in Nebraska - I'll blow the must and dust off and reveal more retro later this week!
Ya'll want to know WTF?!? the moldy salad is that took center stage on Friday?
Lez bon temps roule, friends, it's the Mardi Gras Salad Platter from Good Housekeeping's Book of Salads (c)'58! While I will graciously spare you the gory directions, I can't help but share the insane ingredient list [imagine this sweating in the humidity of NOLA at a 4th of July potluck...]:
French dressing
Mayonnaise
Diced, cooked potatoes
Hard-cooked eggs
Cottage cheese
Diced pimento
Diced green pepper
Minced onion
Parsley
Salt
Crisp greens
Radish roses
Ripe olives
& ready-to-eat smoked beef tongue, or cooked or canned tongue
When someone constructed this mystery salad, I sure as hell hope they broke the mold!Come back for a mound on Sunday [we're hitting the road for the weekend]!
[that's my favorite arcade game, by the way - I love how the little eggs chase your mini-chef around and all it takes is a flick of your wrist to pepper them into submission...]
I'm pretty sure my family has forgotten what real ground beef tastes like. It's a shame, isn't it? So in lieu of some delishy fatty marbling, I added all kinds of zip to these [turkey] burgers from the Culinary Arts Institute's Ground Meat Cookbook (c)'54 -Spicy Beef Burgers Set out a large, heavy skillet Blend together 1/3 cup ketchup 1 tablespoon prepared horse-radish 2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon msg [damn - I need to start keeping that on hand] 1/8 teaspoon pepper 2-3 drops tobasco sauce Combine with seasonings and mix lightly 2lbs ground beef [remember, I fudged with turkey] Shape into 8 patties about 3/4 inch thick Heat in skillet 1-2 tablespoons fat Put meat patties in skillet and cook over medium heat until brown on one side. Turn and brown other side. Allow 10 to 15 minutes for cooking patties. Pour off fat as it collects [ugh, don't remind me].
I'll admit that these would have made much tastier burgers, were they beef. So don't follow my digression. I backed off the tobasco since the kids were noshing on them, too - so definitely shake those few drops in on your own terms. And move them to the grill for cooking - I'm not a fan of the 'fry in the fat' patty. So now you're left wondering if I liked them? If I really, really liked them? I did. But I like them only as a friend. We're not in love. It's not the burger, it's me.
My friend Suzanne [who is all kinds of crazy about retro, and, by the way, introduced me to the diggy space-age dulcet tones of Esquivel back in the day] recently ponied up her grandmother's recipe for dime store wine. Grape Wine 2- 12oz cans frozen grape juice 4 cups sugar 1/4 teaspoon dry yeast
Put in glass gallon jug. Cover with a good 10-cent balloon [we're all wtf?!? on that one , too]. Set in a dark, cool place for 21 days [hmmm, isn't that just a week shy of your average rehab program?].
After waiting patiently [and most likely consuming many a gimlet in the meantime], you, too, can raise your glass to gram's handcrafted, moonshine wine and dig a swig!
No, no, it's not my neutered dog's nickname. It's a quick, easy kid-pleasing recipe that adds a steady amount of veggie shortening to your diet. I can't find the recipe in my retro cookbook library this morning, so you're going to have to trust me on this one - it's fast, easy, fatty, and fun!Biscuit Donuts 1 tube refrigerator biscuits 2+ cups Crisco 1/2 cup sugar 1/4 cup cinnamon brown bag [just take your 40 oz of brew out and stick it in the fridge]
Heat & melt Crisco in fry daddy [how's that for retro?] or deep, mid-sized skillet. Open tube biscuits and poke the center of each with a straw, stretching out with your finger to make a donut hole [I am well-aware that this sounds all kinds of wrong]. Drop biscuits two at a time into liquid lard. Turn donuts over when they float and fry until both sides are golden brown [about 2 minutes total]. Remove from fryer and toss directly into brown bag containing cinnamon & sugar mix. Close bag, shake and dry on a paper towel. Nosh on the 'nuts!
Here's a cocktail that's whirled, not stirred from Better Homes & Gardens Blender Cookbook (c)'71, per my promise.Pink Lady 1 jigger gin (1 1/2 ounces) 1/2 jigger apple brandy (3/4 ounce) 1 tablespoon grenadine syrup 1 tablespoon lemon juice 1 egg white 1/2 cup crushed ice
Place all ingredients in blender; blend to mix. Strain into cocktail glass. Makes 1 drink [so you'd best quad up this recipe].
WTF?! is for dinner tonight? Let's blend dinner and side dish with this recipe from the Better Homes & Gardens Blender Cookbook (c)'71. It's right [and so wrong], beef. In a blender. Stuffed Beef Rounds 2 pounds beef round steak 1/2 inch thick 4 ounces sharp process American cheese, cut in cubes (1 cup) 1/2 slice bread 1/2 medium onion, cut into pieces 3 stalks celery, sliced 3 springs parsley 1/4 cup all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon salt 1/8 teaspoon pepper [I often wonder why it's even listed when it's nary a pinch, wtf?] 2 tablespoons salad oil 1 - 10 1/2 ounce can condensed beef broth 1/2 teaspoon dry mustard 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour 1/4 cup water
Cut steak into 6 pieces; pound to 1/4-inch thickness. Place cheese and bread in blender container; blend till cheese is coarsely chopped. Remove from blender to bowl. Place onion, celery, and parsley in blender; blend till coarsely chopped. Add to cheese.
Divide the stuffing mixture among pieces of steak. Roll up each steak jelly-roll fashion; secure with wooden picks or tie with string. Combine the 1/4 cup flour, salt and pepper. Roll meat in flour mixture to coat. In 10-inch skillet, slowly brown meat in hot oil. Drain off excess fat. Combine beef broth and dry mustard; pour over steak rolls. Cover and cook over low heat till meat is tender, about 1 to 1 1/4 hours. Remove meat to platter.
Skim excess fat from pan juices. Combine with 1 tablespoon flour and the water; stir into pan juices. Cook and stir till sauce thickens and bubbles; pour over meat. Serves 6.
WTF? I thought using the blender would be a time saver. Ugh. And eww.
Head to your blender this weekend for a cocktail [I'll share a recipe worth of a blender bender tomorrow]!
WTF?! is round up and ground up for this BH&G recipe? Come back for the disgusting details tonight! [remember, commenting enters you to win in honor of 10!]
The square in me digs that I'm about to hit my 10,000th hit today. So thanks to all of you, and the season of spring, I'm thinking this calls for a give-a-way, eh?!
Drop of a comment over the next 10 days and you'll be entered to win your own hardcover copy of BH&G's Barbecue Book [you've eyeballed recipes from it before, and you can master the grill circa '68 all over again]!Whaddaya waiting for? Give me the dish!
Rinse out your Bass-o-Matic, it's time to experiment with Better Homes & Garden's Blender Cook Book (c)'71! In a sea of un-appetizing recipes [Vegetable Tempura, Company Cabbage] I reeled in a keeper.Peanut Butter Waffles
stack sandwich-fashion with jelly in between -
1 cup milk
1 egg
2 tablespoons salad oil
1/3 cup chunk-style peanut butter
2 tablespoons sugar
1 cup packaged pancake mix
butter
jelly
Place first 6 ingredients in blender container; blend just to combine ingredients and moisten pancake mix. (Mixture will not be smooth). Bake in preheated waffle baker. Serve with butter and jelly [we were all abuzz to use honey instead]. Makes 32 waffles [ahem, BH&G, this is bullshit - I made 8].
See what evolves when you toss back a few of these [aren't you glad we all have opposable thumbs?] this Tuesday... Monkey Cocktail 1 ounce Puerto Rican rum 3/4 ounce almond syrup 1 ounce lemon or lime juice 1 dash of Angostura bitters
Look at what I sprung for at the flea market on Friday...How is it that I am just now acquiring this vintage volume (c)'63?!
Here's one of Heloise's handiest kitchen hints:
"Say Cheeze! [from Connecticut]: Before I grate cheese, I put a small amount of cooking oil on the grater with either a small pastry brush or a paper towel and rub a bit. When washing the grater...[wait for it]...all cheese will immediately come off."
Nice. What's your handiest hint? I'm using this one from now on -- and I'd dig hearing one of yours!
Thought you might like to feast your eyes on this nesty pic from the Better Homes & Gardens Holiday Cook Book (c)'58Enjoy nesting with your family today!
Here's a picture of my Aunt Elsie. Primed to celebrate her silver anniversary. This was taken pre-purple polyester pantsuits phase [I'm now on the hunt for a few pics of her in her costume jewelry glory].I kinda want to grab some crayolas and color this picture in -- but honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if they were dressing themselves and the table to match the silver in their anniversary!
I consulted Good Housekeeping's Book of Salads (c)'58 to find out. Spicy Crab-Meat Salad In large bowl, combine 1/2 cup chili sauce, 1 cup mayonnaise or salad dressing, 2 teasp. curry powder; refrigerate. Before serving, add 3, 6 1/2oz-cans (3 1/2 cups) canned king crab meat (or lobster), 4 cups thinly sliced lettuce; toss. Serve, garnished with ripe olives and radishes, or cooked or canned asparagus spears. Or heap into 6 scooped-out tomatoes.
Wow. The possibilities are indeed endless...Do something fishy this weekend!
No, it's not an Olympic sport. It's what you should plan to place on your table on Easter Sunday. " Hard-cooked eggs in vibrant colors, atop a black lacquer board, make a striking decoration. Matching eggs go in "nests" at each place. (For colors of this intensity, use India inks.] Added drama - a repeat of black in place mats. Painted wooden birds add a note of whimsey to the setting. "
Um, thanks, Better Homes & Gardens Holiday Cook Book (c)'59. What a cheerful spread. I've think you've gotten your "gay" all kinds of wrong.
I'd love to use my wit in words for you! With years of marketing and copywriting experience equivalent to a baker's dozen, I've likely got a recipe for smart copy that will win over even your biggest business critic. E-me at kitschenfeast@hotmail.com
Macabre Kitsch
[original humor & original art by my friend dally]
![I [heart] Betty](http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_yyKGIn3hxag/SvSRjU4RNuI/AAAAAAAAAOE/LUUPw_OWK1I/S150/heidi+%26+betty+004.JPG)
An excerpt from Body Building Dishes for Children (c)'50:
![Scribe 4 Hire [break the marketing mold]!](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_yyKGIn3hxag/S65yKixYT-I/AAAAAAAAAq0/ldoJlyWBdXg/S210/mold+005.JPG)
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![I [heart] Dolce](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5LmMkjDWTrfnN97sfJy5ep6e-UtNebB_vQT3g5XHWiGIwj2Wop04K6CSr1WWygWzoq74MzXuijdghuc-d6eVPc686vJBQZ_UbMdhcMho0iDOtvVioJk46c77Jm6zD1DHC3CbcTmpr9S8/s210/easybake.jpg)
