My itchy kitschen finger has me up for a challenge this week. It's a feast for the eyes. And, maybe, the stomach.
I plan to prepare breakfast, lunch and dinner on Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
[and I soooo wish I was serving it up in this dress, and at this table]
Here's the schedule: Monday: Breakfast Wednesday: Lunch Friday: Dinner
I'll be paging through cookbook after cookbook tonight to find the funk and flavor that fits the Feast. So plan on bringing [and quite possibly losing] your appetite around all week!
At forty degrees, I like to break out my flip-flops. I'm a freak like that.Even better, on a sunny Sunday I like to announce a winner:
Toddkbaum, thanks for commenting! Your kitschy Brady Bunch to-do sounded like it had a lotta ta-da! Damn Alice for no-showing. But you can count on quite a showing when word gets out that you have "Legends in the Kitchen" - I can't wait to hear all about it. Toss a quick comment my way so I can get the cookbook shipment underway!
Everyone's comments are always apprecited! Thanks for entertaining me --- and I hope you have grande plans to pick up a copy of "Legends"for your kitchen - for a cause [dollars raised by the sale of Mrs. Keel's cookbook benefit the non-profit Motion Picture & Television Fund].
Lobster Newburg. In technicolor. Thanks to the BH&G Birthdays and Family Celebrations cookbook (c)'63. Specifically, the "Silver Anniversary Buffet" line up on page 61.
Just in case you have the hushpuppies to pull this classic [but in this case, not so classy] specialty together, I'll indulge you with the recipe... Lobster Newburg Lush eating! Make it your specialty-- 1/3 cup butter or margarine 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour 2 cups light cream or half-and-half 4 slightly beaten egg yolks
2 5-ounce cans (about 2 cups) lobster, cubed [did they just say canned lobster? oh. my.] 1/4 cup cooking sherry [more for shots] 2 teaspoons lemon juice 1/6 teaspoons salt 6 patty shells [I honestly think they mean pastry. Will divulge if I find that to be different...]
Melt butter in chafing dish or skillet' blend in flour; gradually stir in cream. Cook slowly, stirring constantly, till sauce thickens. Stir small amount sauce into egg yolks; return to hotmixture and cook, stirring constantly, 1 minute.
Add cubed lobster, cooking sherry, lemon juice and salt; heat through, stirring constantly - don't boil. Serve in patty shells [again, wtf?] or over toast points [think I'd rather nosh on shit on a shingle at this point]. Sprinkle with paprika [soooo festive!]. Makes [surprise!] 6 servings.
Like leading the horse to the glue factory, these poor lobsters met a similarly pitiful fate. Please, don't cube your crusteans.
What kind of thoughts does this tacky tureen stir up today?I'll be the first to admit, this doesn't look like my kind of comfort food. I'll be back at happy hour to share the recipe from the soup kitschen.
I'm just not that into reality tv -- my own reality keeps me on my toes.With the exception of the Real Housewives of Orange County [& NYC & Atlanta & NJ...]. If their lives are train wrecks, then let me be the voyeuristic conductor.
In honor of the tarts of OC [next week is the season finale] -- and the REAL housewives of the 50s [I'm so sure that they'd be proud of paving the way for these crazy bitches], I present this recipe to you from Better Homes & Garden Lunches and Brunches (c)'63:
Cherry-Cheese Tarts 3 sticks pastry mix [aka refrig. pie crust sheets] 2 cups milk 1 2 1/4-ounce package of custard-flavor dessert mix [holy hell, I think they mean pudding] 1 8-ounce package cream cheese, cubed 1/2 teaspoon vanilla 1 No. 2 can cherry-pie filling
Roll pasty mix out. Cut twelve 5-inch circles; fit over inverted muffin pans; pinch corners together; prick [wait, isn't that Alexis' husband, Jim?!]. Bake at 450 for 10-12 minutes. Cool.
Gradually add milk to dessert mix. Cook and stir over medium heat till mixture comes to a full boil; cook 3 minutes. Remove from heat; add cream cheese and vanilla; beat smooth with rotary beater. Cool 10 minutes, stirring occasionally. Spoon into tart shells. Carefully spoon chilled cherry-pie filling atop. Chill until firm. Makes 12.
Who's your favorite housewife, real, retro or otherwise? Share and you [yes, you] can enter to win the Legends in the Kitchen Cookbook, too!
My top two? Vicki from the OC - and June Cleaver from Leave it to Beaver. Polar opposites -- most likely both possessing bi-polar personalities!
"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it, or leave it" - Buddy Hackett This is a giveaway befitting of retro fans like ourselves, a hot-off-the-presses copy of "Legends In The Kitchen" * is yours for the taking.
Mrs. Howard Keel [yep, the lovely bride of handsome Howard Keel of "Kiss Me Kate" and "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers" fame]& Linda F. Radke have done a delicious job of mixing glam and gourmet from back in the day, featuring stars of stage and screen - and their meat-and-potatoes meals. Larry Hagman, Betty White [she damn well better be asked to host SNL, btw], Debbie Reynolds and Betty Ford [from the White House, not the BFClinic menu] are just a small group of the stars stashed in this cookbook.
How do you enter to win? Simply step up to the proverbial Pyrex and dish about your favorite celeb from the 40s-70s and the best dish in your family recipe box.
You have until Saturday at midnight to share - I think that's fair. And Sunday I'll reveal the winner who can revel in the recipes and regale in the star-studded tales. I can't wait!
[thanks to Mrs. Keel's niece for donating this book to the feast - I'm proud to promo it!]
My mom's bestie from back in the day handed over the best birthday retro wrap to me last month:This paper practically has me pulling on my polyester pants, putting a package under my arm and skipping off to a birthday bash down the block [and I lived on the best block]. It makes me giddy just thinking of giving a gift wrapped from this retro roll. And it reminds me of my best boy/girl birthday party, when the neighbor boys bestowed Malibu Barbie on me. The 70s were oh so sweet!
Tomorrow, I'm getting back to the cookbooks like crazy!
Say ciao to your cookies after ingesting a helping of Jell-O's... Antipasto Salad [from The New Joys of Jell-O cookbook (c)'73] 1 package (3oz) Jell-O Lemon Gelatin 1 teaspoon salt 1 cup boiling water 1 tablespoon vinegar 2 cups ice cubes 1/2 cup finely cut salami 1/3 cup finely cut Swiss cheese 1/4 cup chopped celery 1/4 cup chopped onion 2 tablespoons sliced ripe olives
Dissolve gelatin and salt in boiling water. Add vinegar and ice cubes; stir constantly until thickened - about 3 minutes. Remove any un-melted ice. Stir in remaining ingredients [try not to think about what you're doing]. Pour into a 3-cup serving bowl and chill until firm - about 3 hours. Makes 2 1/2 cups or 4 servings.
Note: Recipe may be doubled. [I'm afraid I wouldn't even single-serve this]
We've got the snoughs at our digs. Sneezes + Coughs = Ugh.I'll soon be wrangling up some retro recipes, but untill then I've got a hot date with my hanky.
In honor of the left-wing presidents before you, I suggest putting this drink in front of you. The Liberal 3/4 ounce Wild Turkey 3/4 ounce Vermouth 3 dashes Torani Amer [think: plain bitters, like a republican] 1 generous [like a democrat] orange bitters
Stir wildly in an iced mixing glass and strain into a cocktail glass.
I hope everyone is having chocolate cake for breakfast.Betty & I baked this one -- the triple fudge was from a box, but here is the recipe for the luscious scratch cocoa frosting:
Chocolate Frosting 10 tbsp butter, softened 1 cup cocoa powder 6 tbsp boiling water 3 cups confectioner's sugar Combine butter and cocoa powder 'til smooth, add boiling water, then confectioner's sugar until spreadable [or lickable from the beaters].
As expected, we had a dandy triple date last night. The valentines were endearing on both ladies and gents.The wine flowed, and the Better Homes & Gardens Lunches and Brunches (c)'63 lasagne was gobbled up. Even though it looked a little less than appetizing by today's standards. Three-cheese Lasagne 6 ounces (about 3 1/2 cups) wide noodles 1 1/2-ounce envelope spaghetti sauce mix 1 6-ounce can (2/3 cup) tomato paste 1 beaten egg 1 1/2 cups large-curd, cream-style cottage cheese [yes, this is indeed one of the 3 cheeses*] 1 teaspoon salt 1 6- or 8-ounce package sliced Mozzarella cheese 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
Cook noodles in boiling salted water till tender; drain. Prepare spaghetti-sauce mix according to package directions, using the tomato paste. Combine egg, cottage cheese, and salt; mix well. In greased 10x6x1 1/2-inch baking dish, alternate layers of half each of the noodles, sauce cottage cheese, Mozarella, and Parmesan. Repeat layers. Bake in moderate oven (375) 30 minutes. Let stand 15 minutes before serving. Makes 6 servings.
*I went by the book on this casserole, but in the future I would recommend sticking to a family recipe (especially if your family is Italian). The taste is less salty than canned spaghetti, but otherwise spot-on on flavor of chef boy-ar-dee. If you want to give this the old BH&G try, puree the cottage cheese to ricotta consistency and add some spinach, mushrooms and, meat. Lots of meat.
Have the sweetest of sweet days - I'm headed back to hugs & kisses from my fam! kitschy-kitschy, Heidi
[I am well aware that this sweet vintage valentine is posed a little, well, wrong...]
With some [not so?] distinguished friends from way back. I can hardly wait to get the group together for some Chianti and chocolate cake. We're going to wear our hearts on our lapels, too - I've fashioned some bright red valentines with doilies for everyone to pin on. The kids will be underfoot, but we'll kindly ignore them, just a bit, so we can continue on like an old school card party.
In the meantime it's bowling league, Nate the Great live, a little lunch and a lot of prepwork in my flowy pink apron.
...did you know that "Almost every ingredient used in Mexicali Casserole is an emergency shelf item that can be easily stored for unexpected company." Fabulous, huh?
Thanks, BH&G - your Casserole Cook Book (c)'68 is one hot dish! Now, before you dip into your fridge staple of Mexican brews, start gathering the ingredients for this fiesta of the mouth.
Mexicali Casserole 1 1-pound 4-ounce can yellow hominy, drained 1 1-pound can tamales, cut in thirds [really, in a can? I thought these were best served off the back of a truck] 1 4-our5-ounce can Vienna sausages, cut in thirds 1 10 1/2-ounce can condensed cream of chicken soup 1 ounce sharp natural Cheddar cheese [seems awfully skimpy to me...], shredded
Combine hominy, tamales, sausages, and soup; mix. Turn into 1 1/2-quart casserole. Bake uncovered [but perhaps under cover] at 350 degrees for 35 to 40 minutes. If desired, garnish top with additional tamales [erect, jaunty tamales]. Sprinkle cheese atop. Return to oven to melt cheese and heat tamale garnish. Serves 6.
Alright. Add a little ole to your weekend, already.
To a weighty woman in the 50s & 60s - cottage cheese was a savior. It was seemingly the only diet alternative to everymeal for everywoman. Woe is the woman who didn't have access to Morningstar Farms back in the day. For here is what she was instructed to construct at mealtime, from that pesky Better Homes & Gardens Eat and Stay Slim cookbook (c)'68: Creamy Cottage Dip Beat one 12-ounce carton (1 1/2 cups) cottage cheese, not creamed [wtf is that?], 6 tablespoons skim milk, 1 1/2 teaspoons instant minced onion, and 1/2 teaspoon seasoned salt with electric mixer. Stir in 1 tablespoon finely chopped canned pimento and 1 tablespoon sipped parsley. Chill. Makes 1 3/4 cups. Four tablespoons equals 1 Meat Exchange. Good on baked potato, too [wow -now you can live the life].
So the trick to keeping the cottage cheese off your thighs is to spoon it into your mouth. Novel.
I've got a secret. I wish I was one of those skinny types. Little did I know this whole training-at-the-gym thing was overrated. I could simply be eating my favorite waistline-friendly technicolor treats, once I confirmed that I was on the road to "reduction." Thanks, Better Homes and Gardens, for Eat and Stay Slim (c)'68.Not one to keep knowledge to myself, I'm sharing a few of my favorite excerpts from BH&G's lettuce and cottage cheese infused book. Even if the chances of abiding by it are slim to none. First, find out if you're a candidate for reduction, by checking for "telltale bulges." How?
Stand erect, sink your chin into your chest and look downward. If you can't see your toes without craning your neck, you have something to lose.
Tense your abdominal muscles as if someone were aiming a blow at you. While doing this, press your fingertips over your midriff. If the fat pad over underlying muscles feels soft and cushiony, you could spare some of it. A physically fit person [read: not you, fatty] should be able to feel the hardness of tensed muscles and even see a nice muscular ripple or two.
Try the "pinch test," it gives another clue to excess fat. Lie flat, relax, dig thumb and finger into a fatty area, and pinch. This gives a gauge to the thickness of fat over muscle.
Now that you literally feel fat, think about feeling the burn. Luckily, BH&G has done the math, translating the calorie burn from what I can only assume is their top 9 list of familiar foods that made you fat in the first place. Know now, that when you are noshing on these 9 [okay 8] naughty eats you can eas-il-y burn the calories later with a 3.5 mph walk in mere [well, more like mega] minutes:
Large apple [2o min]
2 slices of bacon* [18 min]
Glass of beer* [22 min]
Doughnut* [30 min]
Boiled egg [15 min]
Hamburger* [70 min]
Apple pie (1/6 pie)* [75 min]
Ice cream soda* [50 min]
Soft drink* [20 min]
Okay. It's obvious now why there were many inches to pinch in the 60s. But what a lively lifestyle they led! Time well spent putting beer and doughnuts before sneakers.
It's sloth - wait, I mean Superbowl - Sunday. Time to nosh and nibble. Dip and dunk. And drink. And wear your favorite cardigan sweater.Here's an appetizer that's damn near impossible to fumble from Better Homes & Garden's Snacks and Refreshments cookbook (c)'63 that's sure to score at your party.
Ham Ball 2 4 1/2-ounce cans deviled ham 3 tablespoons chopped stuffed green olives 1 tablespoon prepared mustard Bottled hot pepper sauce to taste 1 3-ounce package cream cheese, softened 2 teaspoons milk
Blend deviled ham, olives, mustard and hot pepper sauce. Form in ball on serving dish; chill. Combine cream cheese and milk; frost ball with mixture. Chill; re-move from refrigerator 15 minutes before serving. Trim with parsley. Pass crackers.
We had a long overdue get-giddy-together with Amy + Rachel & their fantastic fams.
The kids ran rampant and ran each other ragged 'til nearly midnight in their pjs.
And we chatted over cocktails [I had the headache this morning to prove it]. Amy served the yummiest potato fixins and red velvety cupcakes! I brought along a super-simple quiche - want the recipe?!
Blue Cheese & Bacon Quiche 1 frozen pie shell 4 eggs 1/4 cup half-and-half 1/2 cup sour cream 2-3 tablespoons blue cheese 3 crumbled strips of bacon 1 small green onion, sliced
Pierce & bake pie crust in oven @ 350 for 10 minutes. While baking, scramble eggs, half-and-half, sour cream, blue cheese, bacon and green onion [I was in a Sandra Lee kind of hurry, so I grabbed the last 3 off the grocery salad bar].Retrieve pie shell [with a groovy hot pad] and pour scrambled egg mixture. Bake 20 minutes more, or until a knife comes clean from the center of the quiche.
Enjoy with friends - and chase with just enough, but not too much, chardonnay!
Your wurst [ugh] dreams have come true - I'm about to share Better Homes & Garden's Barbecue Book (c)'65 recipe for Cheese-Frankfurter Loaf with you!
Cheese-Frankfurter Loaf 1/4 cup chopped onion 2 tablespoons butter or margarine 1/2 cup chili sauce 2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce 1 tablespoon prepared mustard 2 teaspoons brown sugar 1/2 teaspoon celery salt 1 loaf French bread [about 16-18 inches long *insert dirty joke here*] 10 frankfurters, cut in half crosswise
Cook onion in butter till tender but not brown. Add chili sauce and seasonings. Simmer about 10 minutes or till sauce is thick. Here's the idea for cutting the bread [gee, thanks!]: Slices will be 3/4 inch wide and cut crosswise of the loaf. Cut first slice, going almost to bottom crust; cut second slice all the way through [this is rocket science, people]. Continue in same manner the length of loaf. Between the attached slices, spread the sauce, sprinkle in half of cheese, and insert 2 frank halves, letting uncut ends [again, insert dirty joke here] poke out and up at a jaunty angle [jeez, I love phallic 60s humor]. Hide cut ends of franks with remaining cheese.
With long skewer, fasten sandwiches together in a loaf and wrap in aluminum foil. Heat on grill over charcoal till piping. Open the foil and sprinkle sandwiches with additional shredded cheese, if desired. Remove skewer. Serve hot. Makes 10 servings.
Now go find a brew to wash down frank & have a great weekend!
I mentioned that my moms & pops brought down a few retro treasures last weekend. Well sit your azz down for this one. A stellar Shelby Williams seat. This chair was practically stolen from the Salvation Army in Nebraska on Thanksgiving weekend. It is the best $5 ever spent. Ever. It's in pretty pristine condition - so I've become all persnickity about where to place it.
What's a girl to do? Thrift around for a TV tray, I guess. All the better to eat our meatloaf on whilst sitting on Shelby's lap, right?
Okay, so Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow. Ugh. 6 more weeks until so-called spring. The only thing that was going to cheer my household was a batch of valentine cookies. And these yums from the multi-generational tried & true Betty Crocker's New Boys and Girls Cookbook (c)'65 sweetened our sour winter mood - Betty had a stroke of genius when she baked them...
"Did you ever 'paint' a cooky? Well you can with Egg Yolk Paint - as bright and beautiful as any artist's colors. Remember these cookies for something to do on a rainy day." --Betty
Paintbrush Cookies
Mix thoroughly in bowl: 1/3 cup sugar 1/3 cup soft shortening 2/3 cup honey 1 egg 1 teaspoon vanilla Stir together in another bowl: 2 3/4 cups all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon soda 1 teaspoon salt
Mix these dry ingredients into shortening mixture. Chill dough 1 hour.
Heat overn to 375. Lightly grease a baking sheet.
Divide chilled dough into 3 portions.
On a lightly floured board [beware, you will become majorly floured yourself], roll out dough with floured rolling pin. Roll to 1/4-inch thickness. Cut into different shapes.
Place on prepared baking sheet. With small paintbrushes paint designs on cookies with Egg Yolk Paint [see below. and see how I f-ed it up*].
Bake 8-10 minutes. For clear colors, do not let cookies brown.
Let cookies cool about 2 minutes on baking sheet, then cool on a wire rack.
Makes about 5 dozen cookies [um, not true - I think we netted 2 dozen, and that's without noshing on raw dough].
Egg Yolk Paint* Blend well in a small bowl: 1 egg yolk 1/4 teaspoon water
Divide mixture among several small custard cups. Add a different food coloring to each cup to make bright colors. If "paint" thickens, add a few drops of water.
*How I f-ed it up:I had us "paint" the cookies with raw egg yolk AFTER baking them. Have you begun to notice that I'm not one of those read-the-recipe-through-before-you-bake/cook/prepare-a-meal people? Regardless, these cookies are sweet. Literally. The honey is obvious in every bite and the "paint" gives them a stained-glass look. I hope the guardian angels are watching over my kids as they nosh on their tainted cookies this week.
Humor me and cast a vote to get me in Foodista.com's Best of Food Blogs Cookbook this year! I think they could use a little nibble of kitsch, don't you?
Just click right. About. Here. & VOTE for my generational gastro-fabulous family recipe: Uber Kolaches!
Hey Stan - this one is for you! Let it be known [embarrassingly enough] that I didn't own a bundt pan, had never ventured to bake a bundt nor glaze anything - so the challenge was welcome. And the icing on the cake? It was edible. To a fault [as in, it is my fault there is nary a slice left].
I paged throughPillsbury's 4th Grand National $100,000 Recipe and Baking Contest New Cook Book (c)'53[damn - that title is a mouthful] and merged 2 prize-winning recipes to bring you...Chocolate Mocha Sponge Cake with a Coffee Glaze! [thanks, Mrs. Marian Splet of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania] Sift together: 3/4 cup sifted Pillsbury's Best Enriched Flour 1/4 cup of cocoa Combine: 3 tablespoons water 1 tablespoon lemon juice 1/2 teaspoon salt 3/4 cup sugar 5 egg yolks. Beat until thick and light. Fold: Dry ingredients, one-third at a time, into egg yolk mixture gently but thoroughly. Beat: 5 egg whites until slight peaks begin to form. Fold carefully into batter with wire whip or large slotted spoon. Pour: Into 9-inch ungreased tube pan [I used the bundt, and, damnit - didn't read ahead so I did grease and flour/cocoa the pan - big mistake! You don't grease pans when baking with egg whites, because the shortening keeps the cake from rising --- little did I know]. Bake: In slow oven [325 degrees] 35 to 40 minutes. Cool.
Glaze: [I whipped this up of my own design] Sift together 1 cup sifted confectioner's sugar and 1 teaspoon vanilla. Add 3 tablespoons hot cream and 1 teaspoon instant coffee. Blend and pour over cake. [Resist the urge to eat 'leftover' glaze - it's so tasty that you will over indulge and end up with a hella belly ache. Trust me.]
We invited some friends over for what we called a 'consolation cake.' They are avid [read: purple-bleeding] KSU fans and KU had kicked them to the curb in overtime the night before. Offering them a slice of this decadent [it wasn't too dense, even with the greasing of the pan] cake as a consolation to their loss.
I'd love to use my wit in words for you! With years of marketing and copywriting experience equivalent to a baker's dozen, I've likely got a recipe for smart copy that will win over even your biggest business critic. E-me at kitschenfeast@hotmail.com
Macabre Kitsch
[original humor & original art by my friend dally]