Ballerina Wallflowers

This weekend my mom & dad are visiting -- and they've brought some ravishing retro treats I can't wait to reveal to you [watch all week for pretty cool up dates - including a kitschen table topper].

Margie is in love with her ballet class. My mom was[is?] a self-proclaimed ballerina, too [her toe shoes are on display in their house & Marge has a pretty picture of an elementary-aged mom in a tutu in her room] so when she found this vintage wallpaper [yep, we need paste to commit this to the wall in her room] I think she really hit the jackpot.Let the suburban/vintage overhaul begin!

Stan, I'm baking your bundt today -- so come back tomorrow for a slice!

Shrimp-Dill Pate

[humor me, I can't seem to get the accents over the a & e]
Now you know! That's WTF Better Homes & Gardens staged in their blender + shrimp pic back in '71.

"Making Shrimp-Dill Pate in an electric blender will produce a creamy spread with a minimum of work. The gelatin mixture is blended in a few seconds and shrimp are chopped with several flicks of the switch."

I'm sure it will. Just to make sure your stomach is turning, here's the recipe-of-the-sea!

Shrimp-Dill Pate
1/2 cup cold tomato juice
2 envelopes unflavored gelatin
1 cup boiling tomato juice
2 cups dairy sour cream [really? what are my other sour cream options? I'd like to know.]
1 tablespoon dried dillweed
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1 4-1/2-ounce can shrimp, drained

Add 1/2 cup cold tomato juice and gelatin [ugh - I'm having aspic flashbacks] to blender container; cover and blend on low speed till gelatin is softened. Add boiling tomato juice; blend on low speed till gelatin dissolves (if gelatin granules cling to side of container, stop blender and use rubber spatula to push into liquid). Turn blender to high; add remaining ingredients, except shrimp [yeah, yeah - and maybe quit while you are ahead]. Continue blending till mixture is smooth. Stop blender and add shrimp. Turn blender on and off several times [with or without retching], just till shrimp are chopped. Pour into 5 cup mold or bowl. Chill till firm, about 4 hours. Unmold onto serving plate and accompany with crackers or party rye bread.

There's a reason they don't sell this one in Vegas, baby. I think I'll stick with the 99cent shrimp cocktail, thank you.

WTF Friday!

Since I am drawn to the [sometimes, okay, often] putrid pictorials of my kitschy cookbook collection, it is my pleasure to bring you, from this day forward, WTF Fridays.

First things first. When I opened up my BH&G Fish and Seafood Cook Book (c)'71 to page 38 and saw this elegantly staged shrimp photograph, I immediately thought, WTF?Any guesses? I'll be back before happy hour to share this shrimp-meets-blender-meets-mold recipe today.

Randomness is next to Godliness. Right?

My friend Amy tagged me regarding reporting random riffs about myself.
Here is my lucky number 7:[but alas, Treet will never be my signature stench]

1. I wish I had a signature scent. Some days it's all I can do to remember to brush my teeth, let alone spritz something fruity, frilly or naughty on my pulse points.[hope feet don't creep you out - these are mine]

2. I hate socks. My toes like to breathe.
Preferably in surfer dude reef flip-flops.[this poster makes me want my walkman back every time]

3. I can really cut a rug when accompanied by the song Footloose. Not only do Kevin Bacon & I share birthdays, we share mad dance moves, too.

[this is one of my favorites of Ben]

4. I love, love, love taking photos - I even dork out and use the 'rule of thirds' I learned in 6th grade mini-courses. No person, place or thing is safe when I am nestled behind the lens.

[we like to enjoy our cheese on the teeter-totter]

5. I like being married to a tall gent. Tom is tall, dark and handsome - so a short girl like me [no matter how stout] will always appear petite when snuggled under his arm
[and I get to get on my toes to kiss him - how romantic].

[their personalities are blatantly obvious, eh?]

6. Ben thinks I'm the 'best-best-best mom ever'.
Marge likes to trump him with a 'best-best-best-best mom ever'. I like that game. Even on the days I feel I don't quite deserve it.

[rachel baked these]

7. Cupcakes. Sushi. I could exist on both and little else [my fantastic fam nonwithstanding].

A Cupful of Funk

I just knew Betty Crocker's 2-cents would come through for me. Her 'How to have the most fun with cake mixes' guide is a bible of cake-mix bliss. Rachel. These funky cupcakes are for you!Top Hats:
Bake cupcakes [see package - thx, Betty, you're right - you can never be too careful when directing a housewife]. When cool, cut cones from tops. Fill with packaged vanilla pudding [or gaggy strawberry-banana if your daughter insists on it in the pudding aisle at the grocery], replace tops, dust with confectioner's sugar [shit - forgot that part...]

These are silly. And so edible [as opposed to the aspic, eh?]. And, with the addition of creamy pudding, a dapper dessert. Betty was right. I did have the most fun with my cake mix today.

So did Ben.Nothing is finer than an excuse to indulge in a fluffy cupcake in the afternoon - especially a sunny afternoon [thanks mother nature, I'll quit calling you names under my breath in exchange for more sunny January days like this, it does wonders for my attitude, and my kitschen feast photos]!

So go on, drop a couple of dollars and dollop up these dandies for dessert!

Kitschen Inspiration

Look at what my friend Neil went and did.Inspired by kitschen feast [awww, man] - and maybe a pull on the old apron strings from his beloved grandma - Neil assembled a collection of sorts as an homage to her kitchen on his fun family blog livin' the dream.

Neil & I bonded as Bearcats in college. We were already fellow Nebraskans [little did we know], born & raised - but we became co-Communications majors, Wells Hall groupies and fast friends.

Thanks, Neil, for sharing something so special!

Who in your family kitchen comes to mind when you scroll through kitschen feast? I'd love to hear!

Tipsy Tuesday: Call Me Old Fashioned

...but how about one [or two?] of these?Old Fashioned
2 oz whiskey
2 dashes bitters
2 dashes simple syrup

Toss a couple cubes into your glass. Pour syrup, dash bitters & add the jigger of whiskey. Now wax poetic about the good old days. [The more you toss back, the more poetic you will wax.]

AspICK

Maybe morning is the wrong time to free an aspic from its mold.
Maybe anytime is the wrong time to free an aspic from its mold.
Maybe a molded aspic is just wrong.

But, damnit Vonlipi & Barbara, here you are, a molded salad! It's vegan - as there was no can of tuna in the pantry to embellish the aspic - and easy.Easy Tomato Aspic
[from Good Housekeeping's Book of Salads (c)'58]
Early in day: [or in my case, late on a Sunday night] Dissolve 1 pkg lemon or orange-flavored gelatin in 1 1/4 cups hot water; add 1 8-oz. can tomato sauce, 2 tablesp. vinegar, 1/2 teasp. salt, dash pepper**. Mix well [hold your nose]. Pour into 2 straight-sided glasses [or a kickass spiral mold]. Refrigerate until firm.

To serve: Unmold [which consists of submerging in a warm water bath for a matter or seconds to avoid a melty mess]; cut into slices.

**For a nauseating visual effect, I added sliced olives and cubed cucumber to the bottom of the mold with a few spoonfulls of the aspic and let it set in the icebox for an hour [next to the bowl of remaining aspic]. When the timer summoned, I dashed to the kitchen and poured the remainer of the aspic in the mold. When I freeded it from the mold's copper clutches this morning two words came to mind: blood clot. Yummmmmugh.

I'm not sure how it would taste on toast, and I'm not sure I'll try today...

Next on my challenging list of to-dos? A drizzled bunt for Stan and some funky cupcakes for Rachel. My pleasure. And hey, if you prefer your molds sweet, check out my chocolate chiffon dessert from last fall...

ToMAYto. ToMAHto.

Okay. I'm currently staring challenge number one in the face. And it's aspic-able.

Let's just say you'll never see your tomatoes like this again.
Tomorrow I will most probably putrify your palate with a photo that might very well break the [gelatin] mold. I will present to you: Easy Tomato Aspic

Until then, it's cold. So snuggle in with a warm cup of Knox broth! Or not.

Vermin Love

Yesterday was Squirrel Appreciation Day.
How did I miss that one?
Squirrel is Margie's nickname. And those dizzy little tree climbers are the object of my planter and container collection desire.

Observe it this weekend - go nutty!

Cooking the Books

I can't put my finger [or my feet] on a recipe to try out for KitschenFeast -- can a girl get some help?With so many dandy cookbooks and so little commitment from me on what to stir, fry, bake, grill, mold or [frilly of course] toothpick, I'm looking for a few suggestions.

What would you like to see tackled in the kitchen? An appetizer? Salad? Mold? Main Dish? Dessert? Weigh in and it will take a big weight off of my shoulders this weekend!

Be brave. Be bold. Be a friend and throw out [not up] a suggestion and I'll pare down and find a retro recipe that fills the bill.

Until then, it's just me and the books, man.

Betty's Kids Party Hearty - with a Nut Hunt

Paging through Betty Crocker's Party Book [looking for kitschy kiddy ideas for Margie's 4th birthday - which has since been set in stone as an Alice in Wonderland topsy-turvy tea party] I came across the nuttiest party game. Ever.

Betty suggests a "My Pet Party" for boys and girls 4 to 6 years old because...

"At this age children begin to take a real interest in pets - both friendly family pets and exotic, imaginary pets they'd like to have"

Okay. This is all true. My kids dig the zoo, like to make animal noises at the kitchen table and are in love with our dog [Mr. Stubbs] and crabby tabby [Oona]. Betty had me there. So I read on...

[hey kid, have you seen my nuts?]

What To Do?

"Nut Hunt for Kittens and Puppies:
Hide about 30 unshelled walnuts or pecans about the room. Divide children into two teams - the kittens and the puppies. Have them practice mewing and barking. At the signal, they start hunting for the nuts. But instead of picking up a nut, they must stand by it mewing or barking until mother or the other grown-up helping with the party comes to put it in the team bag.
The team finding the most nuts wins."

I think I just found the most nuts - the entire Betty Crocker creative team in 1960.

Tipsy Tuesday: Foggy-Style

The thick fog has me in a London state of mind - damn it would be a good night to watch Sweeny Todd...again.Wonder if the Demon Barber of Fleet Street threw back a few of these in Mrs. Lovett's pie shop before pulling his blades out:

London Fog
1 3/4 oz gin
1/2 oz pernod [or any anise-flavoured liquor]
Shake, strain & serve over crushed ice. If you want a garnish, that's your own bloody business.

If it's only half as tasty as Mr. Todd - then damn, it's gotta be good.

Tag?! Here's "it"

My like-minded va-va-va-vintage friend Stan [aka the Elegant Thrifter - familiar? You oughta be!] tagged me in a game of pic post. And I immediately went scrambling for this pic of me with one of my favorite bday cakes. Ever.

[circa, well, none of your damn business]

My mom has always had a zest for baked-from-scratch cakes. And I'm pretty sure that even at the tender age of 21, she handcrafted this charming [albeit a bit kitschy - all the more reason to love it] panda cake for my 3rd birthday. It's so absolutely adorable that I look a little afraid because 1]we'll have to light him on fire; 2]we'll have to [no mommy, no] slice him; and 3]worse yet, eat him!

But most likely, considering my fondness for frosting and the gift-unwrapping at hand post-panda, that sunny day in the 70s - I'm pretty sure I pulled it together and ate my way through a paw or two.

Now I'm turning the tag tables on a few bloggity friends - please come forward with a favorite pic as your name is called, because you. are. it.

Barbara at If I Didn't Have a Sense of Humor
Pam at Go Retro
Katrina at Pugly Pixel
Lidian at Kitchen Retro
Rachel at Rachie's Place

I can't wait to see a snap!shot of your life that hasn't been posted before!

What Would Alice Do?

The Brady Bunch is 40.
And their kitchen , to me, is as awesome today as it was back in the day.

I plan to get an eyeful of avocado green and ruddy red-orange today during TVLand's Brady Marathon!

One of my favorite episodes is from season one: "Brace Yourself." Remember when Marcia, Marcia, Marcia transformed from toothy tween to tin grin, convincing herself that she is "...ugly! ugly! ugly!"? and causing all kinds of school dance drama. Life is hard. Even if you are a Brady. I'm a big Monkees fan, too - and when I see Davy Jones ask Marcia for a kiss "on the flip side" I get giddy. I was a sucker for all the 80s reunions, too - if a tv special was proceeded by "A Very Brady..." I was front and center on the couch faster than you can say, "Oh, Wally!"

Share your best Brady memory with me and I'll share what I think would have been one of Alice's grooviest after-school snack recipes [from Better Homes and Garden Snacks and Refreshments (c)'63]...

[Alice prepares to test Greg's gag reflex]

Tutti-frutti Bars
1/4 cup butter or margarine
1/2 pound marshmallows
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 cup chopped candied cherries
1/2 cup coarsely chopped pecans
5 1/2 ounce package crisp rice cereal

Heat butter and marshmallows in double boiler till thick and syrupy. Bet in vanilla. Add cherries and pecans.

Place cereal in large bowl. Pour marshmallow mixture over, stirring briskly. Press into a greased 9x9x2-inch pan. Press extra cherries and nuts into top of mixture, if desired. Let stand till firm enough to cut, about 1 hour. Makes 24 bars.

Compound Kitsch

Jello

+
Mold =
Jello-Mold
May your weekend be wiggly!

Fact: farsighted people like wine in their food

Tonight I whipped up some Corn-Cheese Casserole*. It was mediocre [be sure to omit the chopped onion and shake in extra pepper] and I am pretty sure I know why. It is damn near the only recipe in my newly acquired [thanks, Jackie] copy of The New York Times Large Type Cook Book (c)'68 that does not list wine, white and dry [unlike the cook], red, port or otherwise, as a main ingredient.

[Is this granny blind to the fact that there's booze in the barbecued halibut steaks? Nah.]

Throughout the book I spied [and it was easy to do, in 32 point times font - maybe, just maybe, vino cures what ails your retina] nearly 3 dozen recipes that are booze-infused.

And my cellar was dry. Talk about being caught off guard. Ugh.

So, while Tom is on a beer and wine run, I suggest you pull the cork out of your favorite bottle and follow this recipe from the Times. Don't worry, the only glasses you'll need are the stems off the shelf.

Chicken in Cream with Tarragon
[I almost, almost, put this in the largest type imaginable for the blog - but I'll spare your peepers]
1 chicken (3 pounds) cut into serving pieces
salt and black pepper to taste
5 tablespoons butter
1 teaspoon chopped fresh tarragon or 1/2 teaspoon dried
2 teaspoons finely chopped shallots
1/2 cup dry white wine
1 cup heavy cream
4 tablespoons flour
1 tablespoon warm apple-jack or cognac

[1] Sprinkle chicken with salt and pepper.

[2] Heat 2 tablespoons butter and brown chicken on all sides. Sprinkle with tarragon. Cover and cook about 15 minutes. Sprinkle with shallots and wine. Cover again and simmer 10 minutes longer or until chicken is cooked [or you've polished off a glass yourself - it's just sitting there, you know].

[3] Remove chicken to a warm dish and keep warm. Add the heavy cream to the skillet gradually, stirring constantly with a whisk. Bring to a simmering point.

[4] Blend remaining butter and flour with the fingers and add to the sauce, stirring with the whisk. Add just enough of butter-flour mixture to give desired consistency.

[5] Add chicken and season to taste with salt and pepper. Stir applejack (or cognac) into sauce. When applejack is added, the dish may be flamed if desired [and if you've polished off the bottle of wine, you may be lit].

*I'm betting you can read the corn casserole recipe straight off the picture - if you squint. Just know that it calls for 3 cups of corn - and you can sub frozen for fresh off the cob. Hell, it's January and our options aren't as husky as they are in the summer.

Guess Who's Coming to a Technicolor Brunch?

I haven't put the finishing touches on the guest list, but Lora --- you just won yourself your very own, retro hardcover copy of Better Homes & Gardens Lunches and Brunches! It's a technicolor dream, I'm telling you - the illustrations couldn't be more questionably appetizing!
Lora has resolved to bake her own breads this year -- and maybe, just maybe, some home-schooled cheez-its. Cool. And congratulations!

Lora, tack a quick comment onto the post and I'll get the book into your hands before you can say Western Shrimp Supreme!

Thanks for sharing all - I dig your comments, so take your fingers off your mouse from time to time and tap them on the keyboard!

It's SO EASY [even a flapper could do it]!

[blogger's adide: hey - if you read Julie & Julie and loved it, I'm guessing you, too would read Cleaving and, well, read my review on frothygirls.com today...] No more haste, on to the pudding!

What in the hell does Better Homes & Gardens have against the bad girls of the roaring 20s? Are they intimidated by all the snazz, pizzaz and skinny cigarettes?

Just because you have a cute hair style, naked knees, ruby red lips and the chutzpah to do the charleston does not mean you can't make pudding.
Or does it?

Find out. Try this dessert recipe from BH&G's Snacks and Refreshments cook book (c) '63 - it's the cat's pajamas!

Flapper Pudding
1 cup fine vanilla-wafer crumbs
3/4 soft butter or margarine
2 cups sifted confectioner's sugar
2 egg yolks*
2 stiff-beaten [oooh, you dirty flapper] egg whites
&
1 9-ounce can crushed pineapple, well drained
1/2 cup chopped California walnuts
* Have eggs at room temperature

Spread half of vanilla-wafer crumbs on bottom of 10x6x1 1/2-inch baking dish [do the math, flapper wanna-bes]. Cream butter; gradually add confectioners' sugar, beating till light and fluffy. Add egg yolks, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Beat 1 minute more. Fold in egg whites (mixture may look curdled); beat at medium speed for a few seconds or till smooth. Fold in pineapple and nuts. Carefully spread mixgture over crumbs. Top with remaining crumbs.

Chill till firm, 5 hours or overnight. Cut into 10 squares. Garnish with cherries [yeah, those weren't on the ingredient list].

Okay, BH&G bitter bitch-types, I'm pretty convinced that a flapper could assemble this pudding with both hands, and two cigarettes, tied behind her back [hey, bonus would = no ashing in the yolks]. And it would be as tasty. It's easy, but that doesn't mean flappers were [although your love might cheat on you with this pudding - it's that good].

[hey, you with the lofty goals - or simple ones - enter to win that dandy lunches & brunches cookbook already - you have all day to share - scroll to the owl, stop, & share!]

Tipsy Tuesday: Rise & Shine [or drink until the sun sets...]

On these cold, gray days my thoughts are turning to a bright sun over my head and sand under my feet. And maybe a starfish in my hand. Time for Tipsy Tuesday's cocktail...Tequila Sunrise
1 1/2oz tequila
4 oz orange juice
2 oz grenadine

Pour tequila & oj over ice. Stir & drop grenadine shot into center of the drink. Sip. Feel sunny [watch this].

And, hey, don't forget to share around a few resolutions from your own personal menu! I know you're there - and I'm curious about what you're up to, too!

To You, From Me!

What are you cooking up in 2010?
Here's your chance to change up your coulda/woulda/shouldas from 2009 into gonnas in 2010!

Share your resolutions for relevations with me this week and I will draw [ever so randomly] a winner from the cooks in my kitschen to receive a copy [hardcover, even] of Better Homes & Garden's Lunches and Brunches.

This. Could. Be. You!

You have until Wednesday night at 10pm cst to post your goals a go-go - I can't wait to hear what you've got up your sleeve in the new year!

Need a minute? Okay. I'll go first.

My New To-Do Menu:

• climb the walls [papering margie's room & painting a bit in the kitchen]
• plant more pretties [knock-out roses all-around]
• play the days away [with the kids - and t]
• get kitschen feast a go-goin' [i have a few lofty goals up my sleeve]
• throw more dinner parties [first to-do? valentine's!]
• spin a yarn [baby steps knitting on a loom: flowers!]
• smile waaaay more [laugh, too]
• extra, extra qt with my fantastic husband t [weekend away!]
• do disney [land]
• go local [farmer's market or bust]
• another tattoo [so far i have 2]

Your turn...

Nice Muffins [if you don't mind me saying...]

My temperament is continuing to reflect the temperature, so rather than sticking my head in the oven, I popped a pan of muffins in this weekend. Bruised banana. Or, as Better Homes & Gardens New Cook Book (c)'65 calls them -Banana-Bran Muffins
1 cup sifted all-purpose flour
3 tablespoons sugar
2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoons salt
1 cup whole bran
1 beaten egg
1 cup mashed ripe banana
1/4 cup milk
2 tablespoons salad oil

Sift together flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt. Stir in bran. Mix remaining ingredients; add all at once, stirring just to moisten. Fill 12 well-greased muffin pans [I'm thinking cups] 2/3 full. Bake at 400 degrees for 20 to 25 minutes.

Believe me when I say I didn't pick this recipe because it moved [or would move] me. Keep your colon in mind before you crack an egg and a box of bran open. Marge was in a muffin mood in the morning and the first fruit she saw in the kitchen was a banana. An ugly, nearly flea & fruit-fly bitten fruit. So we went for it, and I think it died a happy death. Whole wheat flour was subbed for the average white stuff in a weak attempt to ratchet the nutritional value up a notch. I like to play mind games with myself and subbing the whole wheat means I can put a melty pat of butter on my muffin. Or two. These muffins are well served, and deserved.

Zest. For Life.

I just finished watching Julie & Julia. Again.

I love Paris in the 50s.
Paul & Julia.

But mostly. Her zest for life.
Her appetite for life was delicious.

May we all follow her recipe for years to come.

Cocoa Kitsch

I love hot cocoa.
And the Jetsons.[this is my mug from '92 - it was a hard-earned freebie - cutting out those carnation upcs really wears on a high school girl. doesn't it look like, the most, resting in the snowdrift on our deck?]

George Jetson, his boy Elroy, daughter Judy, Jane his wife [plus '[r]Astro & Rosie] are the epitome of retro a go-go! Born of the 60s to explore the groovy space age [shouldn't we be there by now?], you can't help but dig them. I think Ben & Marge & I will spend a little time with the fam [and the cocoa] this afternoon.

Eep! Opp! Ork! Ah-Ah! [That means I love this mug...]

Snowball Fight!

This recipe + sledding makes a snow day suck less.

Straight from Dishes Children Love (c)'54 [thanks again, Culinary Arts Institute]. This dessert [or, what the hell, dinner] is a good go-to when you've been home with your little loves for over 20 days of 'holiday break'.Snowballs Adrift
Ice cream goodness, enhanced by chewy coconut and flavorful chocolate makes an exciting combination. [well, that isn't quite the adjective I'd pick, but it is tasty - okay, that's not much more exciting than exciting, is it?]

Ice cream of any desired flavor, prepared commercially or in the home, [I'll let you guess what variety I used, one hint: lazy] may be used to form snowballs. It must be firm before shaping balls [this sounds a little wrong, but it tastes sooo right].

Spread in a chilled shallow pan:
1 cup moist shredded coconut [I toasted the shreds to provide a little "aloha" for our palates]
With a scoop, rinsed each time in hot water, quickly form 6 to 8 balls of ice cream from:
1 quart ice cream [we ventured for vanilla]

After forming each ball, roll immediately in the coconut. Place snowballs in chilled refrigerator tray in freezing compartment of refrigerator and cover with waxed paper [or, in our case, directly into your mouth]. Before serving, spoon chocolate sirup [yes, that's their spelling, those culinary y-phobes] into individual dishes and in each one float a snowball.

The whole fam will fight over a bowl of these balls - LEST YOU FORGET to toast the shredded 'nut to warm them up a bit [on what has become a damn cold winter, even for us midwesterners] your balls will end up with a limp!